As you may have gathered from my last post, Project Girlfriend has been a success!
Things happened in a different way than I expected, of course. I shouldn’t really be surprised at this point because the way I envision things is rarely how they actually turn out. And yet, I believe that usually, they turn out the way that they were meant to. I choose to trust in myself and the universe to get me where I need to go.
So, I have two girlfriends now.
Audrey has her own post here, and my other girlfriend’s pseudonym shall be Lila. The relationship that I have with Lila is unique and brings me a lot of joy. It’s unique because Lila wants emotional intimacy and non-sexual physical affection, but she doesn’t want sexual intimacy to be a part of our relationship. She said she wanted to be girlfriends in a more-than-platonic way, but not sexual– and through this experience, I learned that there’s a term for such relationships! It’s called an alterous relationship.
Lila is someone whom I’m very drawn to, and I think she’s super pretty, and cute, and so fucking cool. I also feel the sparks when we touch, and before we defined the relationship I was very much planning to kiss her when I got the chance. But fortunately, we are both great communicators and were able to talk through what we each wanted and were comfortable with, to land where we are now.
One good thing about being an empath, for me, is that my attraction and especially the chemistry I feel with others is very empathic. When I find someone attractive, and that someone is also into me, it makes me feel even more into them. The desire creates and/or enhances the chemistry, like, A LOT. So when it became clear that I couldn’t have the relationship I originally wanted with Lila, I was able to pivot. She didn’t reject me, she just doesn’t feel the same kind of attraction, and that’s okay. I am still so happy to have her in my life, in whatever capacity I am able to. I’m so happy to call her my girlfriend.
Another surprise with Lila is that she came with the unexpected bonus of a very sweet and hot husband, whom I’ll call Chase. After I met him, and after she expressed her desire to be asexual in our relationship, I casually mentioned that I thought he was hot. I was a little worried about upsetting her, but to my relief she was actually happy to hear it! She has been so supportive and encouraging of us exploring a relationship, and legitimately seems to enjoy the dynamics. It’s been really fun to meet someone who has as much compersion for her partner as I do for Romeo!
I recently had my first date with Chase and the buildup to that was pretty intense for me. When Lila told me that he was also attracted to me, I was super giddy. But there was a bit of a waiting period after that, because he wanted to think it through first (or at least, that’s the impression I got from Lila). I didn’t want to be too aggressive in pursuing it, because I didn’t want to make things weird between any of us, so I waited patiently to see what would happen. Eventually, we started texting and planned a date.
The more I thought about kissing him and touching him, the more it started to feel like a chemical reaction waiting to happen. It’s not very common for me to feel this level of sexual craving for someone! As slutty as I am, I find sex to be fun and enjoy the emotional intimacy that comes with it, but I honestly don’t get… shall we say, thirsty?… like this for many people. I get that feeling of butterflies and desire-verging-on-need every time I think about all the things I’d like to do with him. It’s one of my favorite feelings, and I’m savoring every minute of it!
When we did have our date, I was super nervous because of all of the buildup (in my head, or otherwise). Until that first line is crossed of initiating non-platonic physical touch, I never know how to act around a person I’m into. I think on some level, I don’t want to seem too eager because I’m afraid of rejection, so I hold back until I know that they are truly inviting my affection.
With Chase, I noticed some tentative light touches while we were walking around, but I was still trying to play it cool so I didn’t react. It was only later in the night, after we’d talked and hung out for a while, that he finally kissed me. And it was worth the wait! He’s the kind of guy who likes to take things a little slower than I typically do, so it was a fun experience of holding myself back and being deliciously teased by him, while slowly testing to see what he was ready for. *Not me panting as I write this, thinking about how his hands felt all over me.* There have been a few people in my life who have made me literally pant, and he is now one of them.
We also have a really comfortable and warm emotional connection, and I can foresee that growing stronger and stronger as we get to know each other more. There was a point during our date in which we were cuddled up together very closely and the feeling of being wrapped up in his arms was downright heavenly. The way he gently brushed the hair from my face and nuzzled me… ooof. This is the good shit, y’all. But I need to stop thinking about him now so I don’t spontaneously combust.
So! Another new connection I have is with a woman I’ll call Melanie. We have a lot in common and a comfortable rapport, which is a really great base for the goal of our relationship– which is mainly to explore domme/sub dynamics. I need an emotional connection, too, and feel that we have that in the perfect amount for exploring a more casual relationship than what is typical for me. We recently had our first date as well, and the chemistry was excellent. I’m very excited to explore more with her! I’m also really appreciative of the mutual understanding and low-pressure nature of our relationship thus far. We both have a lot going on, and are looking forward to playing together when we are able to, without feeling tied down (at least not figuratively… tehehe). It’s perfect for where I’m at because I am very poly-saturated.
Romeo and I have recently developed another relationship with a new play partner, as well. I’ll call him Jasper. He is very enjoyable to have threesomes with and oh so talented at all of the things. He’s also very low maintenance, which again, is a good fit for our lives right now.
Last, but not least, is Romeo’s new partner (and I suspect soon-to-be-girlfriend), whom I will call Mina. They met recently and hit it off right away in a big way. It has been so wonderful to see him feeling giddy and excited about someone, and to see that being reciprocated! This is what I have wanted for him for a long time. A bonus with Mina is that she’s also bisexual and very interested in having threesomes with us. While my focus will remain on supporting their one-on-one relationship, I’m also more than happy to join in on the fun when the vibe and opportunity arises.
So there you have it: a thorough update of my poly life. As you can probably imagine, as much as I am thrilled to have all of these amazing connections, I’m also struggling a bit with managing poly-saturation and finding balance.
Having two girlfriends wasn’t something I’d planned on. Having two girlfriends, a long-distance boyfriend, a potential new boyfriend, three new play partners, and a handful of lovers was certainly not my plan, either! But, here we are. And I’m not going to lie, balancing a family, a husband, and all of these relationships, while also supporting his poly relationships is A LOT.
My main tool for managing it all is organization, particularly with scheduling. As much as I wish I could be more spontaneous with my social life, I know that at this stage of my life that is not a realistic approach. What works for me is generally planning ahead, dividing my time as fairly as possible between my various priorities based on the specific needs of each, and embracing the reality that I can’t immerse myself in any one relationship the same way I could when I was only with one person. I can’t make any single relationship my whole world, because my whole world is so much bigger than that. I have a lot of people to love and be loved by, and I’m doing my best to make sure everyone is getting what they need. I know that I will never be completely successful in that endeavor, but I can do my best.
And now it’s time for a poly partner roundup! Here is my full roster at this time: aside from my husband, Romeo, who is my primary partner, my polycule now includes my long-distance boyfriend Benny, his wife Clementine (my metamour), my girlfriend Audrey, her husband Emmett (my metamour), my (alterous) girlfriend Lila, her husband (my metamour, and hopefully soon-to-be-lover-and-maybe-boyfriend Chase, my friend and lover Gerry (also Romeo’s), Gerry’s wife Nadine (my metamour and Romeo’s occasional FWB), mine and Romeo’s playmate Jasper, my soon-to-be playmate Melanie (who also has two partners, but I won’t include in this list because I don’t think I’m likely to meet them), and Romeo’s new partner (and probably soon-to-be playmate for me) Mina. And that’s not even including the other connections I had started to explore but now have virtually no time for. Unfortunately, my time is not infinite.
I think the hardest part of being poly for me right now is feeling like there’s not enough of me to go around, and worrying about disappointing someone (or everyone). It’s also strangely difficult for me to feel like I want more of everyone, but don’t have any more time to see them more. That being said, the fact that I don’t get tremendous amounts of time with anyone, other than Romeo, means that the time I do get with each person is that much more precious. I find myself being more present when I’m with my partners, because I truly want to enjoy every minute I have with them.
I know that it’s a really big struggle for Romeo to share so much of my time with others. I know that he feels that he doesn’t have nearly enough, and that is a hard thing for me not to feel bad about. I care about his happiness more than almost anything else in the world– but my journey right now is very much about learning to love myself more and put my own happiness first. Even writing that feels wrong, to be honest. Putting my own happiness first sounds selfish. But I know that I need to take care of myself if I want to be able to continue to pour into others, and I am learning to believe that I deserve to be happy, too. It’s a process, and poly is a really beautiful way for me to learn to embrace this more and more.