This is a story of an elaborate date redemption.

In my first round of contenders for “Project Butterflies,” I have already written about Casey, who started strong but quickly belly-flopped. The next contender I would like to share about is a guy I’ll be calling Enzo. 

Enzo has also been off to a fantastic start. He’s been very communicative, open, and honest, and he’s the perfect blend of flirty and respectful. We planned our first date pretty quickly, and I was excited to meet him but also somewhat cautious. I was cautious because the date that he proposed was elaborate… and familiar. 

Once upon a time, I went on a date with a guy I nicknamed Aaron. The chemistry with Aaron was great at first, but shortly into our first date I found out that he was a Covidiot (that’s an idiot about Covid, AKA a misinformed anti-vax dumbass). I was pretty certain that I wouldn’t be seeing him again after I learned that, but I was still enjoying the date and wanted to let it play out. Our plan was to meet for coffee, which we did. 

What was not part of the plan was to get a couple’s massage after coffee. He sprung the idea on me on the spot, and I was enjoying his company, so I went along with it. Before the massage we had some time to kill, so we made out (and did a little more…) in my car, as was typical for me in that phase of my slutty journey. It was enjoyable, but I did sense some pushiness from him that I knew I needed to keep an eye on. 

At the massage place, he starting to give me some sketchy vibes. Of course, I knew that getting me naked on the first date was the main objective behind his suggestion of getting a massage, but that didn’t really bother me. I’m not particularly shy about nudity. What did bother me was how pushy he got about kissing me and touching me before the massage, when we were supposed to be getting ready for the masseurs to come back into the room. 

After I got him off me, we went to our own beds and the massage started shortly after. It was just alright. I didn’t like that they had a male working on me, especially because he gave me the creeps. Then, after the massage, Aaron displayed more pushy behavior of the same variety, and at that point I was feeling pretty damn uncomfortable. 

We said goodbye, and I was finally able to start processing my feelings about the date. When we were texting (probably a day or so later), I thanked him for the date but also tried to politely end things. That’s when his pushiness went up to level 10. He told me that I was running away from my feelings for him and lying to myself, etc. It was wildly inappropriate, and I told him off. 

So that was my last (and previously only) “couples massage on a first date” experience. 

With Enzo, though, I got really good vibes before our date. I chose to trust my intuition, and accept his date proposal. I’m really glad that I did, because it was fantastic! 

We also got coffee before our massage, but with Enzo the massage was planned and agreed to beforehand rather than on the spot. I knew exactly where we were going and what time our appointment was, and the location was an area I was familiar and comfortable with. Which obviously is much better on all accounts. 

When we were getting undressed for the massage, he was a perfect gentleman. I didn’t feel like he was ogling me, but he did offer a gentlemanly compliment of “you look great.” It was the perfect way to behave, in my opinion. (For the record, I didn’t ogle him until after the massage, but when I did, I was able to confirm that he also looks great. 🤤)

The massage was really nice, and I felt very comfortable throughout. It was fun peeking over at him every once in a while to see him in his relaxed state. When we were done, he did come over to me (which I believe he read an invitation for in my body language), and we kissed and touched each other a little. From my recollection, this is the first time I ever kissed somebody for the first time naked! I mean, when would that ever happen, otherwise? It was pretty great though. 

He didn’t push for more or spend an inappropriate amount of time kissing me. We got dressed and went out to enjoy some tea and fresh fruit that was offered to us. Then we continued on our way to the next part of our date, which was getting lunch. 

There are so many things I enjoyed about Enzo as I got to know him on our date. He’s obviously generous, considering he paid for my coffee, our massage, and our lunch without hesitation. When I’m on a date with a guy, I don’t by any means expect or require him to pay for things. If he invited me to a specific activity, I would be surprised if he expected me to pay for it of course, but otherwise I am perfectly happy to pay for my own portion of things. Still, it was really kind of him to pay and I appreciated his generosity. 

He’s a family-oriented person who enjoys spending time with his loved ones and relatives. He’s a good driver, and his car is neat and clean. He’s chivalrous—who even pulls out chairs for their date anymore, or walks around the car to open the door for them? It was so refreshing and sweet. He’s fun to talk to and has a good sense of humor; we laughed at each other’s jokes and I felt very at-ease with him. He’s cute and sexy, a really good kisser, and good with his hands. Overall, I would give him an A+ for our first date and I’m super eager to see him again. 

The only drawback to Enzo is something that he told me from the start, which is that he travels a lot. Our schedules could realistically allow us to see each other once a month or so, I would guess. Maybe it will be more often, but in any case I can tell that dating him will require some schedule flexibility and probably a healthy splash of kismet. We’re both on the same page that what we can offer each other is a comet-lover relationship. A comet partner is one who comes into your life somewhat sporadically. It can be simultaneously casual and meaningful, and with Enzo I feel that the attention and care he wants to give when he’s with me is really special. He’s good about texting relatively often, but not all day every day. He legitimately fits really well into my life, and I’m excited to experience the good times that I hope are ahead with him.  

A quick update on the Jamey situation. If you aren’t up-to-date, the Cliff’s Notes on Jamey is that we basically had a one-night-stand a year ago in which he was emotionally careless with me, and I wrote him off with a pretty harsh and well-deserved “fuck you” blog post. Then a couple of months ago he contacted me and apologized; I told him I forgave him and appreciated his apology, and he asked if I would like to start talking again or even if I would consider going out with him. I told him I would like that, and we went out on a date which was enjoyable. After that, though, we struggled to plan and keep another date, and he reverted very thoroughly back to being emotionally unavailable and barely texting at all. He apologized often for cancelling dates and being uncommunicative, and each time I told him I wasn’t upset and that I expected nothing from him. That was true! 

But it’s also true that I’m now in a phase of dating where I no longer want to waste my time on something that’s merely “fun.” I want a relationship that has more emotional depth and even better chemistry; I want some kind of regularity and the ability to stay connected in between times we see each other, even if those times are sporadic. Jamey couldn’t offer that, and he isn’t worth my time. I politely told him that I wouldn’t be seeing him again, and he never responded, so… good riddance!

My next post will be about candidate three of four whom I’m currently* talking to, a guy to whom I’m giving the pseudonym Adrian. 

(*Casey was candidate one, and I’m no longer dating him. Obviously I’m still dating candidate two, the sweet and sexy Enzo.)