This is the story of several little big things.

I am approaching my two month milestone of being together with Romeo, and things are still going strong. Stronger and stronger every day, despite how impossible that seems, in fact. Every day we find ways to up the ante again and again. Our love is stupidly, absurdly, disgustingly, intense and powerful. 

And yeah, I get that saying that sounds like bragging… and while I’m not usually one to brag, this is one thing I can’t seem to shut up about. I’ve found a love that I thought only existed in books and movies. I want to shout it from the rooftops! If you want to hate me for it, go right ahead. I’m still gonna shout it. 😉

While I don’t have a “big development” to write about for this post, I have a bunch of smaller things to share. 

One is that Romeo and I decided to explore a triad situation with my husband, and we discovered some positive things through that. I realized how much I love being romantic with both of them together. By romantic, I mean cuddling, holding hands, and other forms of non-sexual touch. Going on a walk while holding hands with a soul mate on both sides of me is just another level of living. (The dirty or confused or amused looks from bypassers is also fun). Cuddling with them both and being enveloped by love… it’s incredible. 

Sexually, we all had fun with our encounter. It was empowering for me to show a sexual side of myself that my Hubby had never seen before–because it really didn’t exist before, or at least it was buried deep down and has now been set free. It was fun and exciting for the three of us, and I don’t have any regrets about it. That being said, it’s not something I plan to repeat. I now know even more certainly that sexual activity with my Hubby is not something I enjoy or appreciate, and our relationship would be healthier and more genuine without that aspect being included. 

However, there was one part of the sexual experience we shared that all three of us are open and even eager to repeat, which is Hubby watching Romeo and me. Is it kinky as fuck? Yes, yes it is. And we are all super into it. So there’s that. (Cue devilish laughter). 

Romeo and I are also quite open and interested in exploring group sexual encounters together in the future. While this isn’t something I ever thought I would be into, with Romeo, everything has changed. With him, I want to explore and do things and have adventures I would have never considered before. With him, I can be as slutty as I want to be because he not only matches me but encourages me to take it further, all without ever pushing me beyond my comfort zone. Romeo makes me feel safe and adventurous and wild and free and sexy. It’s one of the things I love about him.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, we’ve also taken our relationship further in the aspect of blending our family lives. Our children have now met and become fast friends (and honestly, are beginning to act like siblings already). Romeo’s daughter is like an amazing big sister to my little ones, and I adore watching them together. We even had a sleepover with them all together, which was wonderful. It’s times like these that show me what a life lived truly together would look like– and I like what I see, a lot. 

Other than those developments, there have been three moments that have stuck out to me in the past few days specifically, which made me feel so deeply loved by Romeo. 

The first was a conversation we had when we were spending the morning together after our family sleepover. We were talking about the usual things, how much we love each other and what our future might hold and how much we miss each other when we’re apart. Romeo has been going through a lot of big life things in the past few months and he’s been very open with me with his emotions. He’s not afraid to cry in front of me and it actually happens quite often because of everything he’s going through and, I suspect, the simple fact that he’s an emotionally expressive person. 

I’ve become a safe place and a safe person for him to let those sad feelings out with. Sometimes they are happy feelings as well, overwhelming love that just brings him to tears. In both cases, I am humbled to be allowed into this very intimate part of his psyche. It causes such tender feelings in me toward him, and a deep desire to reciprocate. 

For me, emotional expression is much more difficult. Especially negative emotions, I have a hard time expressing on a deeply subconscious level. It’s as if I can see the feelings and get a gentle sense of them, but there’s a strong glass wall between the feelings and myself so that I can’t truly feel them. It’s very difficult for me to cry, in fact. This is one thing I am working on breaking down, because I want to be able to experience my emotions more fully and more than anything I want to be able to share those with Romeo.

But anyway. The first moment of the three impactful ones that stood out to me this week was one of the times Romeo cried in front of me. It was the most intense time that this has happened, to the point where he had to get up and turn away from me for a moment to compose himself. While I didn’t want him to turn away, I respected that he needed to do that. But the thing that made me feel such deep feelings of love for him was just the level of trust he continues to show me. 

By sharing his vulnerabilities with me, he shows me how much he trusts me. He allows me to take care of him emotionally in a way that most men in our culture are afraid to. That means the world to me. I am a caretaker through and through, and this aspect of our relationship allows me to be who I am on a very deep level with him. I am allowed to take care of his heart, and that is just more precious than words can describe. 

The second moment was over text. We were discussing a recurring theme we’ve noticed in our relationship, which is a sense of jealousy we have for each other, and also a sense of possession. While part of my poly philosophy is that people are not property, with Romeo I have a burning desire to claim him as my own and have him claim me for himself in return. Making sense of this has been slightly confusing for both of us. But he found a way to make perfect sense of it and expressed the thoughts that I had not been able to find words for yet. 

He said: “We have the freedom to choose to be this way with each other. To claim ownership of each other. We both choose it and accept it. We are free to make that choice.”

YES. THIS. This is exactly how I feel, perfectly described. We aren’t “property” because we have a choice in the matter. We both have freely chosen to claim each other in this way. “Mine,” is something we both say (and growl if you know what I mean…) quite often about each other. Because it’s the truth. I am his, as fully as I have ever belonged to anybody. And he is mine, mine, all mine.  

The third, but certainly not the least important moment that has stood out to me this past week was when we were laying in bed last night. I was talking (half teasing, because it’s fun to drive him wild with things he’s trying very hard not to think about) about having a baby with him one day. It’s something we discuss, and try to control ourselves from discussing with a high rate of failure, quite often. 

But anyway, I mentioned that I shouldn’t bother “fixing” my belly if I’m just going to stretch it out again. I have diastasis recti, which means my abdominal muscles have separated and not gone back together due to being stretched out during pregnancy. As a result, my tummy isn’t flat and firm, but a bit squishy and floppy. My skin is loose on my belly, and my internal organs literally bulge out slightly when I exert myself in certain ways because of the diastasis. So that’s what I meant when I mentioned “fixing” my belly; at some point, I need to put in a more concerted effort to bring the muscles back together through physical therapy or even surgery. 

But when I said this, he didn’t really know much, if anything, about my diastasis because we haven’t discussed it. So his response was an immediate and gentle question of, “Why?” And then he said that my belly was beautiful. Beautiful, he said, as he gently stroked his hand over my body. He loves me, every part that’s imperfect and maybe doesn’t look like what a “beautiful” body is supposed to look like according to our culture. He truly thinks that I’m beautiful, inside and out. It’s something that amazes me, stuns me at times, and fills my heart with such love and appreciation for him.  

Romeo is invading and infecting my life in unreasonable ways that I can’t even make sense of. Not only do I think about him all of the time, but I find myself wanting to like the things that he likes. For example, I needed a new phone because mine was having issues, and last week he basically convinced me to go to the dark side and get an iPhone. For context, I am the kind of Android user who has always been proud of refusing to ever buy an iPhone. Yet here I am, now an iPhone user and truly enjoying it way more than I thought I would. 

He’s also turned me into a coffee drinker, and even the way I drive has changed recently because of his influence. 

When I notice these things happening, I don’t find it alarming, however. Some people might, but for me it makes total sense. I’m not changing who I am as a person. I’m changing small things about my life and the way I operate because I admire him so much that it makes me want to emulate him in those ways. Small things that mirror him make me feel closer and more connected to him, especially when we’re not together. They remind me of him, and that brings me happiness. 

I know that from an outside perspective, people may see us as impulsive or irresponsible. They may think we’re just high on New Relationship Energy, and not thinking clearly. They might think that what we have is unhealthy, or that we’re neglecting our responsibilities in the other areas of our lives. But you know what? People can think whatever they want. That doesn’t change what is true. What is true is that we are madly in love, but we are also responsible adults. We are both excellent parents, and good, loving partners to our spouses. We aren’t making unhealthy or irrational decisions, and nothing about our relationship is negatively affecting our lives. 

Our productivity in certain areas, such as me keeping my home immaculate and him keeping up with his million side projects has been affected, I will not deny that. But are those the things that matter most in life? I don’t think so. In any ways that truly matter, our love is enhancing our lives, not detracting from them. If anybody wants to question that, I say let them. But it’s not my responsibility or concern to make other people feel better about our relationship. My biggest concern is always for us and our families to be happy and healthy. That hasn’t changed. 

ANYWAY. I got on a bit of a tangent there but the point is, I am wildly in love with Romeo and I have no plans of slowing down. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; this is an unbelievable kind of love and we are never letting go of it.