This is the story of how I’ve been ghosted, guilt-tripped, and tricked.

This is actually three stories in one. Fortunately (I guess?) all three of these things didn’t happen with the same guy. They just all happened to me, within a short period of time.

I’ve gone on dates with ten men since becoming poly two months ago. That’s a lot, but not a ridiculously huge number. On the other hand, I’ve had conversations via text or other IM apps with twenty-seven men total in the past two months—and even more which never progressed past the dating apps. It’s been a lot of names and faces to learn and conversations to keep track of!

For the record, currently I am seeing five guys. Yes, it’s a lot. I consider one of them my boyfriend/secondary partner, one of them my more casual boyfriend, and the other four friends with benefits. (One of my FWBs also might not be sticking around). I’m also casually talking to three other guys who I haven’t met, and since I’m now poly-saturated, those guys are stuck in the text-only-friend-zone for the foreseeable future.

But anyway! My point was that I’ve had a lot of conversations and connections, and not all of them have been good.

I’ve already shared stories about being gaslighted three times: by Jonah, Curtis, and Aaron. But aside from those experiences, I’ve also been ghosted, guilt-tripped, and tricked. Welcome to the wonderful world of dating!

First up is Steve, who ghosted me. We talked for almost two weeks, and during that time he told me that I would fall in love with him (bold, and not backed up by evidence), and we also did a lot of sexting. Unfortunately, any time that I tried to make actual plans with him, he evaded, and it never happened. Eventually, he just stopped responding to me and texting me completely. I have no idea what the goal was for him, through all of that.

Next up is Hector, who was very attentive to our two-day-long conversation and clearly wanted to push our connection forward. Unfortunately, I wasn’t into him and I had to let him know that. When I did, I used the reason that I’m now poly-saturated so that I wouldn’t hurt his feelings. (Telling someone that you’re not attracted to them offers no benefits in my opinion, but definitely hurts, so I generally try to give other reasons out of kindness). Unfortunately, he decided to take my gentle rejection and turn it into a big thing. He responded by calling himself ugly and saying he hadn’t been on a date in two years. I was obviously very uncomfortable, but I tried to give him some encouragement before saying goodbye.

Last up is Darren. We messaged one night for a little while, and he was flirty in a way that works well for me. If a guy comes on too strong, sends unsolicited dick pics, directly asks for sexy pictures, or tries to start sexting without the appropriate amount of organic conversation leading up to it, I get uncomfortable and skeeved out. On the other hand, if a guy is very friendly but never flirty, I generally am not going to be the one to turn the conversation sexual. So there’s a happy medium where I feel flirty and comfortable enough to want to get a little dirty, even before meeting, and that’s the area where Darren landed. He said the right things, and I thought he was sincerely interested in getting to know me, so I was happy to oblige when he wanted to exchange slutty pictures. Especially because he asked me out and we made plans to go on a date the next day.

Well, the next day came and suddenly he was too busy to go out. He said he would love to meet me some other time. And that was the last time I heard from him! It was pretty obvious that Darren was just trying to have a little fun over text that night and had no intention of ever actually meeting me. I was surprised that someone would be so blatantly deceitful about their intentions, because I try to see the best in everyone—but clearly in this case, I was led astray.

These three guys are just a few examples of the often rude, irritating, and confusing ways of men in the dating world. Maybe most women do similar things, or other equally immature things, while dating—I wouldn’t know. What I do know is that men are, generally, pretty fucking annoying. 😀

I’ve had men ask for my number and then never text me. I’ve had men just stop participating in conversations with me for no apparent reason. I’ve had men go out with me, tell me they’re super into me, and then suddenly decide they aren’t interested anymore. I’ve had men say they want to meet me and then continuously evade my attempts to plan an actual date. And yes, people aren’t perfect and they can change their minds. But when it comes to my dating experience so far, I have been the responsive and consistent one, while the men have been moody, inconsistent, and often just not good at communicating. What up, guys?

Fortunately, for all of the less-than-ideal experiences I have had, I have also had a lot of very good experiences. While the messed-up situations are fun to write about in their way, the reality is that I do enjoy dating very much so far. Even with all the ups and downs, it’s so much fun. And there are some really quality guys out there, who I have been very lucky to meet and get to know. 😊