This is the story of how I realized I was poly-saturated, and what I did about it.

After meeting Romeo and Calvin, I found myself with two boyfriends and a number of FWBs. This was not my original plan. 

When I started my poly journey, I was looking for one secondary partner. I wanted to have fun along the way, yes! But my ultimate goal was to find the one, or as I liked to joke, the two. (Because my Hubby is already “the one.”)

I was extremely lucky that it didn’t take me long at all to find what I was looking for, but when I found it, I realized that I had a whole different problem that I was facing; I was poly-saturated. That means I was at the upper limit of how many relationships I can manage at once. In fact, I was poly-over-saturated at that point. 

This is a “good” problem to have, I’d have to say. There are certainly many much worse problems to have as a poly person. Still, it’s a problem and it needed a solution.

The further in love I fall with Romeo, and the more time I spend with Calvin, I feel less and less inclined to spend my time, attention, and affection elsewhere. Technically speaking, neither of them are available more than I already see them, so time isn’t much of a factor. But emotionally, I feel like I really want to invest in my most important partnerships as much as possible.

Part of me does question if this is actually a thing though. Would I be able to invest myself more into my relationships, emotionally, if there were fewer of them? Or, is this just a part of the scarcity mindset, which I fully reject when it comes to love? Love is abundant! While time and energy are limited, my love is not. That being said, I can only give so much of myself in terms of attention, conversation, and affection, so my relationships could potentially be stronger with me spread less thin. Food for thought.

In order to decide which relationships to focus on, and whether or not I wanted to discontinue any of them (at least in a romantic and sexual capacity), I took some time to think about what each of my relationships gives me. Relationships are not all about receiving, obviously. But I also think that time and energy are limited resources in life, and it’s important to spend them on activities that add value to my life and to the world. My relationships should add value to my life, and I should be adding value to my partners’ lives as well.

My relationship with Romeo is the non-negotiable one for me. He’s my secondary partner and a forever love. This relationship gives me a nearly unlimited outlet for my love, but also returns it back to me just as strong. Sexually, this relationship is as fulfilling as I imagine a single relationship could possibly be. And logistically, I get a lot of attention and time from Romeo. I imagine I could be fully satisfied with just Hubby and Romeo as my only partners!

That being said, my other relationships do add value to my life as well. Calvin brings me friendship, romance, comfort, joy, and sexual satisfaction. I enjoy our connection, and I would be very sad if it didn’t continue.

My FWBs are what I consider “tertiary” relationships, and the ones I would most easily be able to let go of. Still, I care very much for these guys and connect with all of them in special ways. Each of them brings a different “flavor” to my sexual experiences, and I get a lot of enjoyment from that variety. Spending time with them in non-sexual ways is also fun, and I really enjoy the time I have with each of them. They add joy to my life!

Ultimately, though, I came to the decision that I had too much on my plate. Emotionally, I’m losing my steam and I need to take a step back from some things so that I can recharge and recenter myself on what is most important to me.

The result is that I have decided to continue relationships with my two boyfriends, and end things with all but one of my FWBs, who I plan to see about once a month. The enjoyment to time/emotional commitment ratio with this particular FWB is high enough that I feel comfortable keeping him around, and I don’t feel that it will detract from my ability to invest emotionally (or otherwise) in my secondary partners.

So that’s where I’m at! Four men in my life, and no vacancies. 😀 (Although to be fair, I am holding space for one long-time friend who I may want to explore things with in the future… but that’s a future-me problem). For the time being, I feel really happy with where I’m at in my poly life.