This is the story of how I normalized my poly life.

My relationship with Romeo is getting to the point of finally feeling “normal.” Even though we are still stupidly obsessed with each other, we’re finding ways to blend our lives together without losing balance. We both have families, and he has a full-time job, and we live an hour and a half apart, so balance is very important.

Currently we’ve been seeing each other an average of three times per week, and at least one is a sleepover. More often than not, two of them are sleepovers. We’ve split our overnights pretty evenly between his place and mine. When I go to his place, I have to bring my baby because she still nurses at night. It’s fun to “play house” with him– although at this point, it’s not even playing. We’re legitimately doing life things together, and I love it so much. Even when we’re not physically together, we’re chatting all the time, continuing to stay connected and growing our relationship.

A lot of the things we do together are just very normal, “unremarkable” things. They’re amazing times because we’re together when we do them, and that’s all we need. Whether it’s going on a walk, cooking food, watching TV, playing board games, or taking the kids to the park, I’m incredibly happy just to be doing it with him. 

Spending the night with him is my favorite. We get to cuddle all night, fall asleep and wake up next to each other, and give random kisses when we’re both half awake in the middle of the night. I just love being with him and especially when we get to be physically close. 

We generally save our physical affection for after the kids are in bed, or when they’re not in the room or paying attention, but I’m planning to gradually normalize certain forms of physical touch around mine (like hugging, holding hands, and cuddling). My take on it is that I don’t want to hide this part of my life from my kids, but I also want to wait until they’re old enough to ask questions on their own and understand the situation without feeling stressed. Part of my goal in normalizing showing affection to my partner around the kids is that I want it to be exactly that– normal and not confusing or stress-inducing. If they grow up seeing it, it won’t be alarming to them! That’s my hope, at least. 

We are slow-rolling this process, though. For example, I’m not kissing Romeo in front of the kids and I’m not calling him my boyfriend in front of them. I want there to be some mystery to it, for now, so that they don’t feel like they need to ask questions until they’re hopefully older and better able to understand. When they do start asking questions, I want to be able to answer them honestly, so if I can delay that a little bit then all the better. 

Hubby and I are not “out” to many people as poly. There are a handful of people who know, and I really want to be out and proud about it, but I have family members who I know would not easily accept or support this lifestyle choice. While I believe they would ultimately accept it and adopt a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy with it, I would still prefer to keep that side of my family in the dark about my poly life for simplicity’s sake. So a huge part of not being completely open with my kids is the fact that I don’t want them to have to keep a secret, and I don’t want to risk them unknowingly saying something “incriminating” to those family members. But if that were to happen, I have a plan for how to handle it, and I’m not stressed about it. 

Plan A is to keep this part of my life private from my family. Plan B, if something was discovered by them somehow, is to try to quickly explain it away and change the subject, and hope that they don’t dig deeper. But Plan C, if that doesn’t work or isn’t possible, is to make a very simple statement, which is something like this: “Hubby and I are polyamorous. That means we’re ethically non-monogamous. You don’t need to know any more than that, and I really don’t think you want to. What you should know is that we’re still very much committed to each other and our family, and we’re doing everything in a careful, healthy, and safe way. Other than that, we don’t need to talk about this anymore.” 🙂

The reason I’ve thought about all of this is that things are becoming very long-term with Romeo and I, being type-A, always like to think ahead. I hoped early on that we would be together for a long time, and then that quickly changed to hoping and believing we’d probably be together forever. Now this is something I know without a doubt– we will be together forever, as long as it’s within my power. Romeo has given me nothing but reassurance that he feels the same. So we’re now starting to dream more and more about what our future will hold, but whatever it looks like, we know it will be together. 

My poly life looks like this, now:

I love my husband and my family. Nothing has changed there, and nothing ever will. I will always be married to Hubby, and we will always be a family. We will always live in the same house, until the kids grow up and move out of course, but then Hubby and I will still live together for the rest of our lives as planned.  

Romeo is my boyfriend, lover, forever love, second soul mate, and secondary life partner. We get to love and enjoy each other’s families, and I could see us one day loving each other’s children as our own. I won’t be having any more children, with him or with Hubby, because I am done with that stage in my life. My focus now is on raising my beautiful kiddos and stepping into the next stage of life and the adventures ahead. Many of those adventures will be by Romeo’s side. 

One of my dreams is to live with him someday. Maybe that happens after the kids are all grown, and Romeo and his wife and her partner all share a home with me and Hubby. Or maybe somehow it happens sooner and we live as one big, happy, poly family, with all of the kids. Maybe we never become nesting partners, but share a secondary home together– a studio apartment or an RV that we live in together part time. I don’t know yet what the future will be exactly, but we have many possibilities and I can’t wait to find out what will happen. 

I’m looking forward to continuing to enjoy what we have now, spending a few days a week together. I’m looking forward to going on trips and vacations together, both by ourselves and with our families in tow. I’m looking forward to learning Romeo more and more every day, until I know him like the back of my hand and then I find even more ways to know him more deeply. 

Already his face is so familiar to me. The way he looks is imprinted, and his voice is permanently recorded, in my mind. I am memorizing him each time I look at him, feel his touch, hear the sound of his voice, watch him move, and observe the way he thinks and speaks. Even the way he smells is becoming ingrained in my memory. And I want it all, everything about him. I want to absorb it all up and save it for always. He is mine, and I will not let him go.