As of today, here is my relationship with Romeo in numbers.
- Weeks we’ve known each other: 6
- Days we’ve known each other: 43
- Times we’ve seen each other: 17
- Sleepovers we’ve had: 10
- Hand-written love letters we’ve exchanged: 8 (or more, I’ve lost track; I keep all of his of course, but how many have I given him? It’s all such a blur).
- Blog posts published about our love, between the two of us: 12
- Reasons I’ve come up with so far that I love him: 300
Today, I think… yes, I think something has changed, in a good way.
I think I am no longer afraid of losing Romeo.
Yes, I will always have that small fear in the back of my mind which probably always exists for anyone who loves someone else dearly—the fear that something outside of anyone’s control will take you away from each other.
But as far as my fear of him changing his mind about me, losing interest, becoming another one of those guys who have broken my heart when I didn’t expect it… No. I don’t fear that anymore.
There’s simply too much evidence at this point to logically or even emotionally think that’s a possibility. There are things people can say and not mean them. There are some really good actors in the world, too. There are even people who lie to themselves and then perpetuate those lies to others, only to turn around and realize it was never really true.
But there are some things that I really believe can’t be faked. The love I see in Romeo’s eyes. The expressions I’ve seen on his face. The emotion he’s shown me that just simply can’t be mistaken for anything but truly and deeply genuine. Not to mention the amount of time, energy, and feelings he has put into our relationship in such a short amount of time. If this isn’t real, then honestly, nothing is.
And as a matter of fact, now that I’m writing that, it makes so much sense. Nothing has felt completely real in my life since I met him. I’ve felt oddly disconnected from reality, like I’m in a dream or high or something. But it totally makes sense when I put it this way. If he’s not real, nothing is. So, since my mind has been unable to accept that he’s real, that this love is real, it’s also been unable to accept that reality even is a thing anymore. Romeo came in and just turned my life upside down, and it’s taken me a little while to adjust.
But here I am, now. I’m accepting that Romeo is the real deal. He’s real, our love is real, and this really is my life now. I’m not going to wake up to find it was all a dream. I’m not going to look back on this time months and years from now and think “wow, what a rollercoaster—too bad it ended in tragedy.” Nope. This is not going anywhere. This love is here to stay. While Romeo and Juliet may be a tragic play, our love resembles it only in the absurdly dramatic, lightning speed at which we fell in love, and the way we continue to romance the crap out of each other with all that we have.
Maybe this last time I saw him was the turning point. I’ve been sick with a cold for the past several days, and wasn’t able to see him on the weekend as a result. I’m still fighting it, and yesterday he decided to come over and see me regardless. He brought me homemade soup and cuddles, and he didn’t flinch at my nasty coughing or cringe at my sad, scratchy voice. Nope. He just came, and he took care of me. He decided to love me in sickness and in health, as he put it. Like I said, Romeo is the real fucking deal.
Both of us continually marvel at how lucky we are to have found each other. Every single day we express how much we love each other and how we can’t get enough. We talk about how excited we are about the future together. Our words are just half of the equation though—our actions speak even louder. The time we make to spend together, the distance we travel on a regular basis, the amount of energy we put into expressing and documenting our love story. It’s all just off the charts and utterly ridiculous. This is a love we will both hold onto, fight for, and never let go.
I am Romeo’s and he is mine. This is the new reality. And I am no longer afraid.
“And I don’t know how it gets better than this.
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless.”
-Taylor Swift, “Fearless”