This is a story of trudgery.

Welcome to my new series, The Bottom of the Barrel! I will be using this series to feature my lowest quality conversations or connections, at the beginning of each post, for our mutual entertainment. For our very first B.o.B., I would like to present “BJ.” 

BJ and I both “liked” each other on Feeld. He initiated the conversation, and it was short enough to post the entirety of it here in a single image. 

As you can see, BJ elected to ask me about our “rules,” and then tell me that my PDF in answer was “a lot”. It would appear that he was hoping for a quick hookup, despite his profile stating that: “Sensual connection would be great but before we get there I’d love to learn who you are,” which is clearly a lie. 

My FAQ PDF is long, and has a lot of information in it; but it only takes 8 minutes to read, and that’s much faster than hashing things out one detail at a time. It’s important to establish some basic rules before entering into any sort of ENM relationship, and I can confidently say that anyone who isn’t willing to read this is not going to be the kind of respectful, high-quality partner that Romeo and I are looking for. 

Best of luck out there, BJ, and I sincerely hope you get the kind of experiences you deserve! 

Now, onto my regularly scheduled programming. 

I am feeling quite down about poly stuff today. Atlas is no longer meeting my minimum requirements for maintaining a friendship, let alone a poly relationship. He doesn’t text me, and barely responds when I text him. He isn’t available (or willing) to hang out often. He isn’t flirty or banter-y when he does finally respond to my messages. 

Of course this is all based on this week, since I only connected with him six days ago. It’s not as if I think he owes me anything, or that we’ve even really started a “poly relationship.” But, on the flip side, if his interest in me is already fading significantly, that doesn’t bode well. If he doesn’t want to maintain our connection between times when we see each other, then I can’t imagine it will ever be any level of satisfying for me. I feel really bummed out about this one, not gonna lie. 

I also have been sad about Wilbur, who has drastically decreased communication with me and Romeo as well. We’re supposed to see both Atlas and Wilbur in the next few days, but I worry that the emotional connection is now non-existent, and that isn’t what I want. I’ve had enough meaningless sex–I want something deeper! 

Other than Atlas, I have connected with a handful of people trickling in from my “Feeld Day” at the beginning of the week. (The dating app I use is called Feeld, thus the pun). 

There are four guys with “J” names in this group, one of which has already been determined to not be a good fit for us. The remaining J’s I’m going to give the pseudonyms of Jaime, Jax, and Joel. I would say they are all very promising– but then again I’m starting to think I’m too optimistic, and the majority of guys will fake their personality for the first few days/weeks until they get what they want. It’s becoming very difficult to trust that anybody is actually the way they seem in the beginning. 

Still, I am cautiously optimistic about these three guys. Jaime is our number one right now, because he’s basically a walking green flag. He’s been consistently responsive, and very matched up on all of our important considerations. He’s also cute! My only concern is a potential lack of chemistry, but we won’t know until we meet him. 

Jax is the one of the three that I feel most attracted to, but he’s also not as responsive. I have the least number of my questions answered with him. What I know so far is good, but it’s not enough to say how this could go.

Joel is sort of the middle ground of the three. He’s not super responsive, but he does get back to me eventually. He’s very attractive, and so far seems to meet all of our requirements. He’s very respectful and complimentary.  

Just for the record, I do feel very weird putting things in terms like “meets all requirements,” and using rankings of any kind. I just don’t have any other way of articulating these things. I see everyone I talk to as an individual, not just a name in the queue! It does get a little confusing when you are dating a lot of people at once, though, and it is helpful to have some way to decide who I want to prioritize both emotionally and with our time. 

The rundown is this: Jace and Kiley are amazing as always; Richard, Eli & Kacey, and Gerry & Nadine are all awesome but have very challenging schedules to work with; Atlas and Wilbur are leaving me feeling emotionally disconnected; and of the seven guys/couples on my “haven’t met yet” list, I’m only optimistic about actually ever meeting the three J’s. 

I still haven’t found that connection that I’m looking for: someone who I can have a crush on and who will feel the same way, who gives me butterflies, who is open to a deeper emotional connection, who is able to be consistent, and who (of course) meets all of our requirements for polyamorous partners. It is possible Jaime could turn into that, if the chemistry ignites, but that’s the most optimistic I can be.

This seems to be a very tall order. I am not ready to give up yet. I am, however, feeling very defeated and exhausted at this moment. 

Onward I trudge.