Okay so this post isn’t really a story, just an update. And since I’ve already used the words/phrases “trudgery,” “crashing and burning,” “frustration,” “ups and downs,” “having nothing left,” and “WTAF?” I don’t think that there are many ways left to describe the complete and utter defeat I feel at this time. My creativity in coming up with a unique and interesting title is drained; thus, this is a story… but not really.
This past week has been a low one. Jace and Kiley dumped us, hurting us badly in the process. We got to meet Dylan, which was actually great; but I’m feeling very unhopeful that it’s going to work out because of the complications on his side of things.
Dylan is so many of the things I want, and I can’t deny the incredible chemistry between us. When we met, we played some games and then watched TV, and sitting on the couch next to him was stupidly exciting. The way he touched me wasn’t sexual, but somehow it was absolutely intoxicating. He stroked my hand, my leg, my arm, and occasionally my cheek. His touch was electrifying and literally had me panting. Like… what the fuck?! This happens so rarely to me that I truly savor it when it does. Kissing him was fantastic. Bending my rules about not “playing” on the first date was inevitable.
Nevertheless, there are complicated dynamics at play with him and his partner, and I have a hard time seeing that suddenly getting better. I can’t afford to let myself truly hope that this will last.
We were going to meet Arlo tonight, but he hasn’t answered my messages in three days, so I am making the educated assumption that he’s ghosting. Regardless, I see very few situations in which I would overlook his inconsistent communication, so even if he does reach out about meeting tonight, I don’t think I would want to.
I’m back on Feeld, the ENM (ethical non-monogamy) dating app I use. I have a few conversations going. I don’t feel extremely hopeful about any of them, only mildly hopeful about two. I do have plans next week for us to meet up with a guy I’ve been talking to for a while (very slowly and sporadically).
I also hope to schedule something with Kameron for next week. Kameron is still a good connection for me, but I do think his schedule might not have room for us, and that would make it difficult to build a meaningful relationship.
We’ve still been seeing Gerry regularly. He’s become a part of our lives that I really enjoy. When we get to see Nadine as well, it’s even more special. Honestly, our connection with them is the only really good thing in our poly lives right now. It’s easy, and lovely, and feels very natural.
And now for a quick roundup of our other minor partners.
Richard has been messaging us regularly to check in, and remind us that he’s still interested. However, scheduling has been an issue and I wouldn’t be surprised if our relationship with him fades away soon.
Wilbur has had a lot going on and our communication has been radio silence; I can’t imagine that our relationship with him is going anywhere fast.
Dakota is also incredibly busy and while he may actually be genuinely interested in us, I don’t feel confident we’ll get to see him again.
That’s it, that’s all we’ve got going on. It’s dreary, y’all.