For once, I really don’t have much to write about. And ya know what? That’s pretty awesome.
My polycule feels so complete with Gerry, Nadine, and Jefferson (and in a somewhat ambiguous yet still incredibly meaningful capacity, Benny). I love each and every one of these humans, and the way that they fit into my life with Romeo is so wonderfully harmonious.
There has been one significant change in one of our dynamics, though. Romeo had been struggling for a while with sorting through his feelings for Nadine. From my observations, it seemed to me that he was trying to feel something that he very badly wanted to feel, but unfortunately didn’t. He loves her as a person and friend, and he finds her incredibly attractive, but the one thing that nobody can predict or control is chemistry. Despite wanting to grow this relationship, he realized that he wasn’t feeling the emotional and sexual chemistry that he needs in order to have a romantic relationship.
He let her know how he was feeling, and fortunately we’re all on the same page about wanting to continue to be friends. Nadine expressed her support for Gerry to continue his relationship with me, as well, which was very mature and kind of her. She truly is a lovely person and I hope that we can continue to be just as close with her as a platonic connection. I still consider her part of my polycule because she’s my metamour–the partner of one of my partners–and we have a friendship of our own as well.
As far as Gerry goes, he’s a relationship anarchist, so I’m not sure how he feels about labels. Truthfully, though, I don’t feel like I necessarily need one with him. If I were to call him my boyfriend, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind in the least. As we continue to get to know each other, I could also see him settling into a friends-with-benefits vibe. I’m still trying to work out how I feel about him romantically, because I do feel high levels of emotional intimacy with him but I’m not sure if those feelings are more platonic or romantic. I definitely enjoy our sexual relationship, regardless!
I am also very happy to announce that Jefferson officially is my boyfriend. He asked me and I said yes, and it makes me so happy to finally be able to call him that. I even told him that I love him, and he said that he’s falling in love with me too.
I’ve said those words over text, but I’m waiting for a natural moment to say them in person. They mean a lot to me, and while I don’t say them lightly, I do say them often to those whom I love. I also know that they’re very loaded words for some people. Some people didn’t grow up in a family where “I love you” was said often, or ever. Some people never learned to do that or felt inclined to say those words. But for me, I don’t ever want to leave any doubt that I love the people I love. I want to tell them with my actions and my words; because words are powerful!
Jefferson and I are settling into a nice cadence of seeing each other once or twice a week. We talk every day, and I feel like he’s truly that relationship I was looking for throughout the past five months. He makes me feel so safe, and loved, and just plain happy. I feel so confident about our future together.
So, that’s where I’m at. Poly things with Romeo are very manageable now, and the challenging moments are becoming fewer and fewer. There’s even an adorable woman whom he’s just starting to date, and whom he’s very excited about. Dare I say, she’s probably the first woman I’ve seen him this enthralled with since we started our poly adventure. And for once, he seems genuinely excited about the potential of this relationship for himself, rather than just trying to enjoy being poly because I’m poly.
I’ll call this woman Shaya. As I’ve heard it, she’s potentially interested in me as well, and after meeting her I can quite easily say that I reciprocate those feelings. 😉 She’s super-smart, down-to-Earth, seems very kind, and did I mention adorable? I very much hope that things will continue to go well for Romeo with her, because I would love to have her in our lives in whatever capacity she wants to be, and I would love to see Romeo developing an exciting relationship of his own.
I’m also hopeful that in time, Romeo and I will be able to have a more relaxed and less rigid polyamory approach, in which one-on-one time with our other partners is something we can both enjoy. But I’m also okay with letting Romeo get there at his own pace. I’ve found the love I was looking for (in multiple places!) even within these boundaries, and that is good enough for me for now. It only gets better from here. <3