This is a True story.

The last few weeks have been real tumultuous for me, y’all.

I’d already been falling into a depression when Casey called me and told me that he feels he needs to take a break from us. He was kind and honest, as always. I wasn’t devastated, because I’d been protecting my heart successfully from the start of our relationship. But what did make me sad was the loss (hopefully temporarily) of our friendship. I feel like we’ve become really comfortable with each other, which isn’t super common for me, and I’ve loved talking to him throughout the day and spending time with him. I could’ve fallen in love with him, and I do love him in some capacity. But, I also feel confident now that I don’t want to reopen the possibility of a romantic/sexual relationship between us in the future. I need to stop settling for people who aren’t willing and able to give me what I need from them.

After things ended with Casey, I had a date planned with Chase. I thought that everything was fine, since our last conversation ended on a positive note. But before I left to meet up with him, he asked if we could talk. I knew right away what was going to happen, but I tried to convince myself that he was just going to ask if we could skip the sleepover part of our plans, or something like that. But, when I picked up the phone, I could hear it in his voice. I just straight up asked him if he wanted to break up and he said yes. He told me that he’d been feeling “off” about us. I said okay, and got off the phone as quickly as I could. 

The pain of losing him has been less than I thought it would be. That first night was hard, but by the end of the night I was done crying and beginning to accept that it needed to happen. I had been getting hurt over and over again in that relationship, and he was never going to be able to love me the way I need to be loved. The pain has hit me again at random times, but is mostly subsiding. I’m taking off my rose-colored glasses now (mostly because he basically ripped them off and stomped them into bits), and I can see that I deserve so much more. As Audrey put it so poetically, he shouldn’t be making my eyes more wet than he ever made my pussy. 😂

To be fair, I was incredibly into Chase and despite his lack of effort to make me cum, the sex was still phenomenal. Something about his chemistry just lit me on fire, and that part was truly amazing. I will miss his touch, absolutely. I will miss the softness in his eyes and the warmth of his voice. I will miss the fun times we had together, and the things we had planned for the future. But, I will find something better. Truthfully, I think I may already have.      

But before I get to that, I’d like to share some updates on my feelings for my other casual partners. Enzo is still wonderful, and I do love him and love spending time with him– but I don’t feel confident that I have time for a comet partner right now. My schedule is typically booked up between my kiddos and my consistent partners. I’m not looking to end things with him, and I still hope that our schedules will align on occasion; I just think that this comet is going to come around less often than I’d originally envisioned. 

Noah is also still wonderful, and I need to retract my previous musing that “I could see him as more of a play partner (more emphasis on the sex than the friendship) as things progress.” After Chase dumped me, he called me to give me comfort and distraction. He’s been so sweet and assuring that he truly cares about me more than just sex. So I am now declaring that he is a solid FWB– a real, caring friend who is also a whole lot of fun in bed. 

I still feel good about Patrick, as well. I’m very into him, and we have a lot of fun together! We don’t talk as much as I do with other partners, but I feel comfortable with our cadence right now. He may or may not end up with “boyfriend” status– but he’s told me that labels aren’t really important to him, so unless I start to feel like it’s important to me with him, I predict he will simply remain a “partner.”   

Luca is settling more and more into a friendship vibe. He puts in effort to talk to me almost every day, even though I’ve let him be the one to initiate conversations for weeks now. Clearly, he really does care about having me in his life, and that goes a long way for me. Of course, I’m still insanely attracted to him and the sex was mind-meltingly sensual, so I’m not ruling out the possibility of benefits on occasion. But based on evidence thus far, I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other very often IRL anyway. 

Two more people have entered my life in the past couple of weeks. It’s a bit of a paradox, because I don’t feel like I have time for relationships that aren’t super “what I want,” yet I do feel like I have time for new people who may become that. It’s about prioritizing, and my focus right now is *trying* to put my own desires first. It’s not something that comes easily to me. 

One of the new people is actually an old connection. In the beginning of my poly journey, I connected with a guy who I called Raphael in my post, “how I made and lost a best friend within one month.” We lost touch, but several months ago he popped up on one of my chat apps and I sent him a message to see if he remembered me. He didn’t answer, and I assumed he wasn’t actively using the app, or he wasn’t interested in reconnecting. But then a couple of weeks ago, he responded! He said that he could never forget me (so sweet!) and wanted to meet up. And so we finally made it happen, and I got to meet Raphael in person after all these years. Our date was fun, and we enjoyed some kisses before saying goodbye. We’ve texted a bit since then, but I’m not entirely sure if it will go anywhere because it hasn’t been super frequent or intentional. Either way, it was so nice to reconnect with him, and I’m open to seeing what may happen there.

The person I’m absolutely losing my mind over, though, is a guy I connected with three days ago during the approximately 10 seconds I unpaused my online dating profile. I decided I wasn’t ready to give up on Project Butterflies, and my philosophy with breakups is that the best way to get over someone is to fall in love with someone new. As such, I waded back in and I think possibly… found a miracle. 

My new lover’s pseudonym is going to be Truly. It’s an unconventional name, yes, but quite frankly so are we. He honestly feels like a figment of my imagination come to life. Gah! Where do I even start?! 

Truly’s profile immediately caught my eye, and I knew I had to take my chance to get his attention and make it count. I could tell he had a silly side, so I went with a silly intro, and it worked! We have basically not stopped talking since.  

Not only is he absurdly cute, but he’s smart AF, has incredible emotional depth, is SO FLIRTY, and is not just matching my energy but exceeding it. We immediately started reading each other’s minds and joking around, and shortly into our conversation we both decided to put all of our cards on the table. I told him my red flags and he told me his. We shared some of our past hurts in love, and what we were looking for now. We match so well it’s wild!

We were able to have our first date later that very night, and it was as quirky and cute as could be. We met at a playground after dark, and we chatted and played like big kids. I loved how quickly I felt comfortable with him touching me, and how affectionate he was from the start. We had our first kiss on the swing set, like some kind of ridiculous teen romance novel cover. 

Our connection was so instantaneously amazing (and to be honest, I’ve been just as slutty for less), that I had no hesitation about getting to know him on every intimate level that first night. It was SO. FUCKING. GOOD. And I am hooked. 

The best part, though, is how things were the next day. I have always found that the morning after an encounter with a new sexual partner is extremely telling. So many of the new guys I’ve been with lately have been super disappointing in this regard. The importance of reassuring each other that you want to keep seeing each other, and that the sex wasn’t just about physical gratification cannot be understated in my opinion. Even if it was just a date without any sexual activities, I still look for affirmation the next day that the person is still interested in me. 

Truly passed that test with flying colors. Like I said, he’s not just matching my energy, he’s exceeding it. And our connection has only continued to grow rapidly since that first night. If this is a dream (which I’m still not convinced it isn’t) then please don’t wake me up! 

I don’t know what the future holds– nobody ever does, truly. (Tehehe, see what I did there? Truly?) But I do know that I’m over-the-moon excited that when one door closed for me, another one opened, and the guy waiting there for me is exactly what I’ve been needing.