This is a story about finally feeling safe.

After my recent heartbreak with Truly, I felt like I was going to need to take a break from dating for awhile. I had a lot of processing to do from that relationship, and I was really emotionally exhausted. But there was still a part of my heart whispering to me that I knew what I wanted, and I needed to keep trying to find it. 

And so I did what I do, and stayed sad for a couple of days before going back on my favorite dating apps. Yes, I was still grieving, and even now I still feel pangs of missing him some days despite knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that I did the right thing. We did have something beautiful, at least for a little while. But I also know that sometimes, at least for me, the best way to move on from a heartbreak is to get excited about someone new. 

As usual, I didn’t stay on the apps for very long because I quickly made several promising connections and didn’t want to get overwhelmed. But there was one particular person whose profile caught my eye in a big way. He is so GODDAMN CUTE it makes me want to explode. More importantly, though, his profile had all the information I needed to know and it seemed glaringly obvious to me that we would make a good match. 

There was only one thing to do, of course. I sent him a rose and a comment making it clear just how excited I was at the prospect of getting to know him. I hoped he would respond, but I tried to put him out of my mind because I know that these things don’t always pan out. But, sure enough, he responded with just as much excitement as me. I just about lost my shit! 

There have been a lot of somewhat unsettling parallels between the start of my new relationship and the way my relationship with Truly started. One of those parallels is that we met in an impromptu way on the same day that we started chatting. That, and the level of intimacy that I dove into so quickly with both of these guys, looked very similar. But then again, having sex on the first date isn’t exactly new for me. It’s just the way of the slut, I suppose. In fact, moving quickly is sort of my thing, if I’m being real. I’ve never been afraid to jump headfirst into love when I feel that matching energy from my partner. And that’s why, only nine days after breaking up with Truly, I had a new boyfriend. He shall be pseudonymed Mica!  

Despite some similarities, the dynamic between my new love and I is nothing like I’ve experienced in the past. Let me tell you a few things about this motherfucking treasure of a human being. He’s a dad, which is huge for me; there’s a level of understanding that comes with having both experienced (and better yet still be experiencing) the process of raising a kiddo. 

He’s also AuDHD (he’s on the autism spectrum and has ADHD), and the more that I get to know myself the more confident I feel that I’m also an AuDHD-er. I don’t have a diagnosis or feel the need to get one, and I’m very upfront about that when I talk to people about it. But nevertheless, I’m discovering new things about my own mind, and it’s been such a comfort to be with someone like Mica, who not only intimately and intuitively understands how my mind works, but also validates the labels that resonate with me. 

Mica is also an animal lover, super smart, goofy like me, and the sweetest man I have ever met. He’s wildly considerate and caring as a partner, and he’s just as obsessed with me as I am with him. 

With Mica, I immediately felt safe in a way I never have before. It first hit me as I was lying on the couch, gazing into the eyes of a man I’d just met and yet instantly trusted. He is so safe– SO SAFE!– for my heart and mind and body and soul. And as easy as it would be to worry that this is just another replay of the Truly episode, I know that it’s nothing like that. Because this? This is different. Mica is like nobody I’ve ever met before.

I’ve known Mica for 12 days as of this writing, and I already trust him in a way that I didn’t even realize I was never was able to with Truly. The thing is, I didn’t feel like Truly saw me as his equal. He seemed to adore me, and I loved that, but he also had an energy of superiority underneath his kindness. And he was very kind, that is still true. I don’t believe that anything he did in our relationship was malicious, at all. Yet, I never felt that I could fully let my guard down with him. It was hard to notice because our NRE was stealing the spotlight, but the insecurity was there. I wasn’t insecure about our relationship; I was insecure about what he thought about me. 

I know how highly Mica thinks of me because of the way he treats me, speaks to me, listens to me, and looks at me. You can bet your ass I give all of those things right back to him, because God knows he deserves to have the shit loved out of him. I’m honored that I get to be the one to do that. Loving him is so incredibly easy to do. 

Nobody is perfect, and I know that’s true of Mica too. I know that he will hurt me sometimes, and I will hurt him, and we will have conflicts. But I’m not afraid of those things because I know we both feel the same way about each other. We admire and respect each other, and we are absolutely, head-over-heels in love. I know that this love will guide us through any challenging moments in our relationship. This is a never-gonna-be-the-same kind of love; an “I found my person” kind of love; a kind of love that makes all the bullshit that came before it finally make sense, because it led me to him. It’s got me willing to look like a totally pathetic dumbass if I’m wrong again; but I’m not afraid, because I feel it in my bones that I’m right this time. 

Mica is it, guys. He’s as much of “the one” as I can get while still being poly. And what’s even more crazy is that he feels the same way about me! He isn’t poly himself, but he fully loves, supports, and accepts me exactly as I am, and that includes being polyamorous by nature. He doesn’t want to change me. He just wants to love me. And I really couldn’t ask for anything more.