When I met the second guy I dated as a poly person, I was searching for someone who would spark a fire of excitement in me. Ironically, I found it with a firefighter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Russell contacted me through a dating website, and when I first saw his profile picture I just thought, \u201cabsolutely no way.\u201d Quite frankly, he looked like a douche. But he was friendly, and I value openness and kindness, so I responded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He had a certain boldness that excited me the more we talked. We actually developed a good rapport and I found myself laughing often during our text conversations. We fairly quickly moved our conversation off of the platform and from there, we scheduled our first date.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the time, I was still brand new to poly life, and I wasn\u2019t yet free of my sexual repression. Like many newly open marriages, Hubby and I had chosen a set of boundaries\u2014mostly sexual\u2014to guide our explorations. One of those boundaries was that we wouldn\u2019t be having sexual intercourse with other people, only outercourse and oral sex. We also agreed to always use barriers with oral sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While there is nothing inherently wrong with these boundaries we\u2019d chosen, looking back I can see that at least for us as a couple, they were far too restrictive. It was what we needed to be able to start our journey, but they weren\u2019t made to last.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Regardless, that was the plan at the time I met Russell, and we had a candid conversation about this before even meeting in person. As I said, I value openness, and clear communication with any potential romantic or sexual partners is paramount to me. So, we had the boundaries discussion and while he was admittedly disappointed that we weren\u2019t going to be able to fuck in the way he\u2019d hoped, he still wanted to meet and explore things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At that time, I was also still working out how to balance motherhood with dating, and one of the other highly restricting boundaries I had in place was that I would only be away from my youngest child for a maximum of three hours. Since driving a long distance would severely cut into that time, I was looking for dates who would either live close by or be willing to make the drive to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In Russell\u2019s case, he was willing to drive, at least for the initial date. We planned to get coffee and then do an escape room. For this date, I was no longer nervous as I had been with my very first poly date\u2014I was excited, and felt confident. The first moment I saw him, though, I immediately thought that there was zero percent chance I was going to feel a spark with him. I felt no attraction to him whatsoever, and the thoughts running through my mind were mainly consisting of, \u201coh, crap. This is going to be awkward.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Regardless, we proceeded on our date, and I was happily surprised to find that we had a very comfortable and enjoyable conversation. I felt comfortable with him, which is always extremely important to me, of course.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we did the escape room, we had a ton of fun and were able to bond over solving the puzzles together. A few times, I felt some sexual tension and noticed him getting physically closer to me, which was exciting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
After the escape room, we sat outside and talked a little bit more, and then he kissed me. The moment our lips met, sparks exploded for me. It was absolutely thrilling because for the first time I knew <\/em>that I had the ability to feel sparks again for somebody. We made out briefly, and then he pulled me very sweetly into his lap and we snuggled for a few minutes. It was a wonderful feeling. After we said goodbye and I went to my car, I remember driving home and just thinking, \u201cfuck yes!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I had found the fire I was looking for, and it made me very excited for the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Our conversations after our first date started getting steamier, and very quickly I found myself wanting to move faster. In a moment of boldness, I asked if he wanted our next date to be in a hotel room. He very enthusiastically agreed!<\/p>\n\n\n\n So a few days after our first date, we met at a hotel and I took my first step into sluthood. I touched the second dick I\u2019d ever touched in my life, and gave him a blowjob (with a condom, as was and for the most part still is my rule). It was thrilling, and I learned something about myself as well\u2014I like being spanked. \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n\n\n\n Unfortunately, after that fun activity, he decided to take a nap. It quickly became apparent that my pleasure was nowhere on his radar. He didn\u2019t try, ask, or even seem to think about trying to arouse or pleasure me. Worst of all, he seemed legitimately afraid <\/em>to touch my breasts\u2014as I am a breastfeeding mother, I\u2019m guessing he just didn\u2019t know what to do with that. I eventually asked if he would like to try to give me an orgasm, and I tried giving him suggestions and hints as to what I\u2019d like but he was unenthusiastic at best and quite frankly, unskilled. We quickly abandoned the effort, and he resumed his nap for a little while I cuddled with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After a time, he got up and went to the bathroom, and when he came back he had tears in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong, and he said he felt like a dick but he wasn\u2019t feeling it with me and didn\u2019t think we should continue to see each other. I reassured him that he was fine, and that I enjoyed our brief time together, and there would be no hard feelings. We parted ways on good terms. (Although I do still harbor the tiniest amount of resentment that he didn\u2019t pitch in for the hotel room).<\/p>\n\n\n\n That night, I felt the sting of rejection a little harder than I had in my initial reaction. It wasn\u2019t so much about him <\/em>as it was about having been rejected twice (technically three times, including one guy who I had set up a date with and later been cancelled on). I was beginning to feel discouraged\u2014even though it was only the very beginning of my poly journey, that was how I felt at the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Looking back on my experience with Russell, I am very thankful that he ended things sooner rather than later, and that he ended things in general. I wasn\u2019t yet confident enough or experienced enough to know that there is so much better out there! I might have stuck around with a sub-par connection just because it happened to be one of the first ones I made.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The biggest thing I am grateful for with Russell was that I took my first step towards normalizing sex in my life, and the empowered sluttery which I now freely enjoy. It\u2019s funny looking back and thinking that this was considered slutty to me at the time, because in the weeks since then, I have upped my game considerably! And I couldn\u2019t be happier about it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When I met the second guy I dated as a poly person, I was searching for someone who would spark a fire of excitement in me. Ironically, I found it with a firefighter. Russell contacted me through a dating website, and when I first saw his profile picture I just thought, \u201cabsolutely no way.\u201d Quite… Continue reading This is the story of how I became a slut.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","entry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26\/revisions\/27"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}