After I\u2019d been out on a few dates with a few different guys, I was gaining some confidence and getting excited about meeting someone who I could develop a strong emotional and physical connection with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was only two weeks into my poly journey when I met the first guy who would steal my heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I connected with Jonah on a dating app, and our conversation quickly began to flow very comfortably. He made me laugh so much, and said all of the things<\/em>. He was just a really cool and kind person, and I could tell that right away. We also had a lot of things in common, from our spiritual backgrounds to the fact that we were both parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Physically, I was attracted to Jonah in a stronger way than I\u2019d really ever experienced before. He would get a look in his eye sometimes that just burned me up. And his hair<\/em>. It is some really, really good hair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fortunately for me, he seemed to feel the same level of attraction for me, and I was very <\/em>excited about that. Because of our high attraction levels, we started getting pretty\u2026 shall we say, flirty? Very quickly, flirty turned to dirty and the sexting began. Jonah was my first sexting experience, and I had a lot of fun with that!<\/p>\n\n\n\n By the time we got to meet in person three days later, we\u2019d already seen each other naked in pictures and the chemistry was very much there over virtual means of communication. We were eager to find out if it would translate to chemistry in person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We met at a bar, had drinks, talked, and then sat outside and talked for a little while longer before making out in my car. When we did kiss, it was everything we\u2019d both hoped for. Sparks, explosions, fireworks, all of the feels. I was so turned on and basically high on him by the time we said goodbye that I drove home in a total daze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n With an explosive beginning like that, it didn\u2019t really surprise me that I ended up falling in love with him so quickly. Within the next two weeks, we met three more times and two of those were at his house. I simply couldn\u2019t get enough of him! When we weren\u2019t together, most days we were talking on and off all day long.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Unfortunately, things ended as quickly as they began when I told him that I loved him. Was it fast? Yes, it was. But, was it real? Yes, it was. I am a very loving person and I tend to share my feelings easily because I believe in being genuine and vulnerable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When I told him how I was feeling, I knew he wasn\u2019t ready to reciprocate those feelings, and I was okay with that. He\u2019d told me in so many other ways that he felt very strongly about me and wanted me to be in his life for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, when I did tell him, I could feel a switch flip in him instantly. Unknowingly, I had triggered him in ways I didn\u2019t understand and can still only guess at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At first, he started to push me away by calling me his \u201cfriend,\u201d any time I acted romantically toward him. Then, things just dissolved completely from there. We had plans to meet in a few days, but when I tried to talk to him about it, it started to feel like things were falling apart. He was distant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We started talking about our sexual relationship, and he brought up concerns that I didn\u2019t enjoy it because I hadn\u2019t had an orgasm the two times that we\u2019d had sex. I told him in no uncertain terms that I did <\/em>enjoy it, and I explained to him (this was not the first time) that I simply didn\u2019t always orgasm during sex, especially after having children. He couldn\u2019t seem to accept that for me, sex doesn\u2019t have to include an orgasm to be enjoyable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When that discussion didn\u2019t dissuade me from wanting to be with him, he went in for the big guns. He told me that my feelings for him were making him uncomfortable, and that he thought it wasn\u2019t a healthy poly relationship. I told him I was sorry he felt that way, but that I couldn\u2019t help how I felt and I didn\u2019t feel badly about loving him. By the end of that conversation, we were over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My heart was crushed that night. I was in disbelief, confused, and deeply wounded. I still felt so much love for him, and knowing that I would not be able to see him, kiss him, feel his arms around me, or hear his voice again was devastating. Especially because I hadn\u2019t seen it coming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But the next day, I decided that instead of pretending he never existed, I would do better if I could still be his friend at least. I asked him if we could still be friends, since he\u2019d said he would like that in the past if we were ever to stop seeing each other romantically. He agreed and said he would still like that. Unfortunately, he clearly didn\u2019t mean it since he didn\u2019t talk to me at all after that. A few times I reached out\u2014I was still pining over him, so I said \u201chi\u201d once and \u201cI miss you\u201d once. Nothing crazy or long, just short little messages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sadly, even that became too much for him, as he finally told me again that I was making him uncomfortable, and that I was acting \u201cco-dependent.\u201d At that point, I got upset. I\u2019d basically taken his emotional abuse up to that point, and I was over it. I told him he wouldn\u2019t hear from me again, but not before defending myself. I basically told him that loving and dependent relationships in life are healthy and important, and that I didn\u2019t deserve the way he was treating me. I told him that his <\/em>way of doing poly isn\u2019t the only \u201cright\u201d way. That\u2019s one of the beautiful parts of being poly! Each person gets to make it the way that they want it to be. He never responded to that message.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That was the last time we spoke, and in the weeks since then I\u2019ve felt sad, angry, resigned, annoyed, and at this point, I\u2019ve accepted that it truly wasn\u2019t me that was the problem. I didn\u2019t do anything wrong. I offered my love to someone and he couldn\u2019t accept it. That\u2019s all. I just needed to find the right person or people who actually wanted what I have to offer. (The best part of this story is that I did find just that\u2014in a very <\/em>big way!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n And for the record, here are some examples of dependent versus co-dependent relationships, for anyone who likes throwing that term around casually. \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dependent<\/strong>: Two people rely on each other for support and love. Both find value in the relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Codependent<\/strong>: The codependent person feels worthless unless they are needed by \u2014 and making drastic sacrifices for \u2014 the enabler. The enabler gets satisfaction from getting their every need met by the other person. The codependent is only happy when making extreme sacrifices for their partner. They feel they must be needed by this other person to have any purpose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dependent<\/strong>: Both parties make their relationship a priority, but can find joy in outside interests, other friends, and hobbies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Codependent<\/strong>: The codependent has no personal identity, interests, or values outside of their codependent relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dependent<\/strong>: Both people can express their emotions and needs and find ways to make the relationship beneficial for both of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Codependent<\/strong>: One person feels that their desires and needs are unimportant and will not express them. They may have difficulty recognizing their own feelings or needs at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let’s all work on building loving, dependent<\/em> relationships in our lives because we are all human beings who need connection to others. <3<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" After I\u2019d been out on a few dates with a few different guys, I was gaining some confidence and getting excited about meeting someone who I could develop a strong emotional and physical connection with. It was only two weeks into my poly journey when I met the first guy who would steal my heart.… Continue reading This is the story of how I got my heart demolished.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-30","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","entry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":31,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions\/31"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}