The last few weeks have been real tumultuous for me, y\u2019all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019d already been falling into a depression when Casey called me and told me that he feels he needs to take a break from us. He was kind and honest, as always. I wasn\u2019t devastated, because I\u2019d been protecting my heart successfully from the start of our relationship. But what did make me sad was the loss (hopefully temporarily) of our friendship. I feel like we\u2019ve become really comfortable with each other, which isn\u2019t super common for me, and I\u2019ve loved talking to him throughout the day and spending time with him. I could\u2019ve fallen in love with him, and I do love him in some capacity. But, I also feel confident now that I don\u2019t want to reopen the possibility of a romantic\/sexual relationship between us in the future. I need to stop settling for people who aren\u2019t willing and able to give me what I need from them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After things ended with Casey, I had a date planned with Chase. I thought that everything was fine, since our last conversation ended on a positive note. But before I left to meet up with him, he asked if we could talk. I knew right away what was going to happen, but I tried to convince myself that he was just going to ask if we could skip the sleepover part of our plans, or something like that. But, when I picked up the phone, I could hear it in his voice. I just straight up asked him if he wanted to break up and he said yes. He told me that he\u2019d been feeling \u201coff\u201d about us. I said okay, and got off the phone as quickly as I could. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The pain of losing him has been less than I thought it would be. That first night was hard, but by the end of the night I was done crying and beginning to accept that it needed to happen. I had been getting hurt over and over again in that relationship, and he was never going to be able to love me the way I need to be loved. The pain has hit me again at random times, but is mostly subsiding. I\u2019m taking off my rose-colored glasses now (mostly because he basically ripped them off and stomped them into bits), and I can see that I deserve so much more. As Audrey put it so poetically, he shouldn\u2019t be making my eyes more wet than he ever made my pussy. \ud83d\ude02<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To be fair, I was incredibly into Chase and despite his lack of effort to make me cum, the sex was still phenomenal. Something about his chemistry just lit me on fire, and that part was truly amazing. I will miss his touch, absolutely. I will miss the softness in his eyes and the warmth of his voice. I will miss the fun times we had together, and the things we had planned for the future. But, I will find something better. Truthfully, I think I may already have.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But before I get to that, I\u2019d like to share some updates on my feelings for my other casual partners. Enzo is still wonderful, and I do love him and love spending time with him– but I don\u2019t feel confident that I have time for a comet partner right now. My schedule is typically booked up between my kiddos and my consistent partners. I\u2019m not looking to end things with him, and I still hope that our schedules will align on occasion; I just think that this comet is going to come around less often than I\u2019d originally envisioned. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Noah is also still wonderful, and I need to retract my previous musing that \u201cI could see him as more of a play partner (more emphasis on the sex than the friendship) as things progress.\u201d After Chase dumped me, he called me to give me comfort and distraction. He\u2019s been so sweet and assuring that he truly cares about me more than just sex. So I am now declaring that he is a solid FWB– a real, caring friend who is also a whole lot of fun in bed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I still feel good about Patrick, as well. I\u2019m very <\/em>into him, and we have a lot of fun together! We don\u2019t talk as much as I do with other partners, but I feel comfortable with our cadence right now. He may or may not end up with \u201cboyfriend\u201d status– but he\u2019s told me that labels aren\u2019t really important to him, so unless I start to feel like it\u2019s important to me with him, I predict he will simply remain a \u201cpartner.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Luca is settling more and more into a friendship vibe. He puts in effort to talk to me almost every day, even though I\u2019ve let him be the one to initiate conversations for weeks now. Clearly, he really does care about having me in his life, and that goes a long way for me. Of course, I\u2019m still insanely attracted to him and the sex was mind-meltingly sensual, so I\u2019m not ruling out the possibility of benefits on occasion. But based on evidence thus far, I don\u2019t think we\u2019ll be seeing each other very often IRL anyway. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Two more people have entered my life in the past couple of weeks. It\u2019s a bit of a paradox, because I don\u2019t feel like I have time for relationships that aren\u2019t super \u201cwhat I want,\u201d yet I do feel like I have time for new people who may become<\/em> that. It\u2019s about prioritizing, and my focus right now is *trying* to put my own desires first. It\u2019s not something that comes easily to me.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of the new people is actually an old connection. In the beginning of my poly journey, I connected with a guy who I called Raphael in my post, \u201chow I made and lost a best friend within one month.<\/a>\u201d We lost touch, but several months ago he popped up on one of my chat apps and I sent him a message to see if he remembered me. He didn\u2019t answer, and I assumed he wasn\u2019t actively using the app, or he wasn\u2019t interested in reconnecting. But then a couple of weeks ago, he responded! He said that he could never forget me (so sweet!) and wanted to meet up. And so we finally made it happen, and I got to meet Raphael in person after all these years. Our date was fun, and we enjoyed some kisses before saying goodbye. We\u2019ve texted a bit since then, but I\u2019m not entirely sure if it will go anywhere because it hasn\u2019t been super frequent or intentional. Either way, it was so nice to reconnect with him, and I\u2019m open to seeing what may happen there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The person I\u2019m absolutely losing my mind over, though, is a guy I connected with three days ago during the approximately 10 seconds I unpaused my online dating profile. I decided I wasn\u2019t ready to give up on Project Butterflies, and my philosophy with breakups is that the best way to get over someone is to fall in love with someone new. As such, I waded back in and I think possibly\u2026 found a miracle. <\/p>\n\n\n\n My new lover\u2019s pseudonym is going to be Truly. It\u2019s an unconventional name, yes, but quite frankly so are we. He honestly feels like a figment of my imagination come to life. Gah! Where do I even start?! <\/p>\n\n\n\n Truly\u2019s profile immediately caught my eye, and I knew I had to take my chance to get his attention and make it count. I could tell he had a silly side, so I went with a silly intro, and it worked! We have basically not stopped talking since. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Not only is he absurdly cute, but he\u2019s smart AF, has incredible emotional depth, is SO FLIRTY, and is not just matching my energy but exceeding it. We immediately started reading each other\u2019s minds and joking around, and shortly into our conversation we both decided to put all of our cards on the table. I told him my red flags and he told me his. We shared some of our past hurts in love, and what we were looking for now. We match so well it\u2019s wild!<\/p>\n\n\n\n We were able to have our first date later that very night, and it was as quirky and cute as could be. We met at a playground after dark, and we chatted and played like big kids. I loved how quickly I felt comfortable with him touching me, and how affectionate he was from the start. We had our first kiss on the swing set, like some kind of ridiculous teen romance novel cover. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Our connection was so instantaneously amazing (and to be honest, I\u2019ve been just as slutty for less), that I had no hesitation about getting to know him on every intimate level that first night. It was SO. FUCKING. GOOD. And I am hooked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The best part, though, is how things were the next day. I have always found that the morning after an encounter with a new sexual partner is extremely telling. So many of the new guys I\u2019ve been with lately have been super disappointing in this regard. The importance of reassuring each other that you want to keep seeing each other, and that the sex wasn\u2019t just about physical gratification cannot be understated in my opinion. Even if it was just a date without any sexual activities, I still look for affirmation the next day that the person is still interested in me.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Truly passed that test with flying colors. Like I said, he\u2019s not just matching my energy, he\u2019s exceeding it. And our connection has only continued to grow rapidly since that first night. If this is a dream (which I\u2019m still not convinced it isn\u2019t) then please don\u2019t wake me up! <\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t know what the future holds– nobody ever does, truly. (Tehehe, see what I did there? Truly?) But I do know that I\u2019m over-the-moon excited that when one door closed for me, another one opened, and the guy waiting there for me is exactly what I\u2019ve been needing. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The last few weeks have been real tumultuous for me, y\u2019all. I\u2019d already been falling into a depression when Casey called me and told me that he feels he needs to take a break from us. He was kind and honest, as always. I wasn\u2019t devastated, because I\u2019d been protecting my heart successfully from the… Continue reading This is a True story.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-340","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","entry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/340","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=340"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/340\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":341,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/340\/revisions\/341"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=340"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=340"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abundantandfree.love\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=340"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}