This is the story of how I realized just how much I like dads.

Just before I went on my first dates with my boyfriends, Romeo and Calvin, I went on a date with a guy who we’ll call Travis. It was a great date, and I was excited for the potential for that relationship to be what I was looking for.

We actually connected the same day we had our first date, which was the fastest I’ve moved. It worked out that way because I had two dates cancel on me the day we started chatting, and I decided to throw out the option to him of meeting that night. He was down for it, so we made a plan for a few hours later!

We met up late at night because he was busy until then, and we had to struggle a little to find a place that was open late enough. The place we picked was an ice cream shop that was supposed to be open an hour past when we were meeting. Unfortunately, when I was in the vicinity of the shop and looking for parking, he texted me to tell me they were closed. We hadn’t located each other yet, so we texted back and forth looking for an alternative meeting place. Finally, we found a place to go and I parked the car, then walked a few blocks to find him in the unfamiliar city.

When we found each other, we went to head into our new date spot, which turned out to be a very loud club with a bar downstairs. We were able to sit at a slightly quieter table by the bar, and get some snacks. Our conversation was easy and enjoyable—and kind of funny because we had to yell frequently to be heard over the loud music.

At one point in our conversation, we ended up talking about how annoying it is to have to wipe our older kids after they poop. It was at that point that I just knew dating a fellow parent was a whole different level of connection.

There’s something incredibly sexy about being able to discuss goldfish crackers and fruit snacks one moment, and then talk about all the hot things you’d like to do together in the next moment. Dads understand things about my life that non-dads just don’t, because being a parent changes you fundamentally. Dads understand what it means to sacrifice their own wants and needs to put their children first. They understand how to be sensitive and nurturing and goofy and responsible, because they have to do that in their daily lives. Simply put, fatherhood is sexy, and I am totally into it.

With Travis, we’ve talked about parent-life a lot and that’s one thing that we really connect on very well. But beyond that, we also have a strong mutual attraction toward each other, and as I learned on our date, our sexual chemistry is excellent.

After we met in person, I realized that in the rush of connecting with him and going on a date so quickly, we didn’t discuss all of the things I usually like to discuss beforehand. One of the big questions I started to ask guys before meeting them was how they would feel if I fell in love with them. I needed to do this after having my heart demolished by a guy who, as it turned out, wasn’t comfortable with feelings of love developing in our relationship. So, for any guys I wanted to date after that, I was sure to ask about boundaries when it comes to emotional connections in relationships.

But, as I mentioned, I forgot to ask a lot of my big questions of Travis beforehand. After our date, I brought this up, and as it turns out that was a good thing to do! As sweet and awesome as Travis is, he has boundaries around developing deeper feelings of love in his secondary relationships. He and his primary partner choose to reserve that level of connection for their relationship. While this isn’t something I agree with personally, or the way that I do polyamory, I can respect their choice to do things their own way. There isn’t one right way to do poly, and that’s part of what makes it awesome.

Fortunately, I hadn’t yet developed deeper feelings for Travis, so I was able to accept that if we continued to see each other, it would be as friends with benefits from the start. For me, a FWB relationship means keeping in touch between dates, flirting and affection, and dates which may include a combination of going out places and/or enjoying sexy times at one of our houses. It doesn’t include sleepovers or saying “I love you.” Depending on the person, it may or may not include things like holding hands, them meeting Hubby or the kids, me meeting their other partners or kids, or exchanging gifts for special occasions. I lean towards “not” with those last few things in my relationship with Travis, just because that’s not the particular dynamic we have so far.

Fast forward to now, when I’ve realized I have too many relationships to juggle and need to discontinue things with some or all of my FWBs. I put a lot of thought into it and decided that for the time being, Travis is the one I don’t want to let go of. Ah, the power of being a DILF!