Story time is over.

So far on this blog, I’ve been sharing my experiences with polyamory and what that journey has been like for me, going from a happily monogamous marriage to a polyamorous lifestyle. But now, I’ve found my Romeo and things are very much settled for me. I have him, my one boyfriend, and no other romantic or sexual partners. There are no more stories to tell, at least not at this point, so instead I will be shifting to sharing my thoughts and discoveries about polyamory in a more general sense.

I also plan to use this space for periodic updates about my relationships. So on that note, here’s where I’m at!

Romeo and I just celebrated our 3-month mark of being together. We are madly in love and it shows no signs of slowing down. We see each other on average about every other day, and it still doesn’t feel like enough. We have big plans and possibilities for our future, but they’re all still very much up in the air because life.

Hubby and I are still happily married, though we have shifted to a platonic relationship. He is still searching for a secondary partner—although that may not be the term he ends up using when he finds her. I know that I don’t think of Romeo as my “secondary partner,” because ranking them in that way no longer makes sense to me. What kind of relationship Hubby truly wants and what he will end up finding are still mysteries, but I’m here to support and encourage him on the adventure!

That’s the relationship update, and now we can move onto my true topic for today.

What I want to reflect on today is the concept of “closed polyamory” or “polyfidelity.” What I have discovered with Romeo is that neither him nor I have any desire for other partners. Although we are both open and interested in exploring sexual encounters with other third parties together, neither of us wants to have sex or develop romantic emotional connections with other people individually. Because we are both married but in platonic relationships with our spouses, we are essentially monogamous for all intents and purposes.

It’s a strange place to be, as a poly person. Am I still poly if I only have one romantic and sexual partner? Perhaps, since that person is not my husband, whom I am still married and partnered to in many ways. But what if I weren’t? Would I be poly, then? Does having threesomes make me polyamorous? Does any of that matter, really?

I don’t have the answers to these questions, but I do know that I still identify strongly as poly. And I cannot say with absolute certainty that I will never want additional partners, but I can say that right now, that is not something I can imagine wanting, ever.

Romeo satisfies me so completely, and even the thought of sharing him with other partners makes me feel physically ill. The thought of him wanting someone else and, as a result, me having less of his time and attention, makes me feel very sad. I know he also feels the same about me. In simple terms, we are jealous of each other, and we know it and even embrace it.

At this point, we’re committed to being each other’s only romantic and sexual partner for the time being.  We have agreed that if what either of us wants in that regard ever changes, we will have open and honest discussions about it. Neither of us wants to limit the other in that way—we want to always continue to be free to choose each other, never out of obligation, but because that is what we truly want.

One thing that’s really great about polyamory is that it can work in many different ways. Poly people get to design their relationships in whatever ways work for them. So for me, I feel at peace with my identity as a poly person, even though my current romantic relationship is with only one person and is essentially “closed.”

I am poly because I believe that love is abundant, and people should be free to love whoever and however they love. I am poly because I have both a husband and a boyfriend, both of whom I love in different ways. I am poly because I think compulsive monogamy is unnecessary and harmful. I am poly because I embrace being a slut. I am poly because I choose to be—and I can continue to claim that label, whether I’m with one person or multiple people.