Love Is Love

Love is such an awesome thing.

It’s the reason for life, really. It’s the thing that gives life meaning. It’s the ultimate goal, to love and be loved. And at first glance, you may think I’m just talking about romantic love, but I’m actually not!

See the amazing thing about love is that it comes in so many forms. All of them are beautiful and important. One form isn’t more valuable than another, and that includes romantic love. While romantic love may be what gets focused on the most in pop culture, the truth is that other forms of love are just as wonderful and just as worthwhile.

I wanted to write a post all about love, and the different types of love, for this very reason.

We are basically brainwashed throughout our entire lives that romantic love is the pinnacle of existence, the most important thing we can pursue in life. Those who put their career first, or have accomplishments they prioritize over finding romantic love, or single parents who want to focus solely on their children rather than pursuing romantic relationships are ultimately seen as having missed out on something important—their sacrifice for the things they accomplished is “love,” which really just means romance.

But the truth is, love isn’t synonymous with romance. Love comes in so many other forms! And just because somebody doesn’t have or pursue romantic relationships doesn’t mean that they are missing out on love in their life. Because chances are, they have love in abundance, just not in that particular form. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Friendship is an amazing form of love. The love between platonic people can be extremely powerful, life-giving, and valuable. Friends can even be life partners, choosing to support each other through the ups and downs and provide long-term companionship. Is a partnership any less important, intimate, or loving simply because it is platonic? I certainly don’t think so.

Familial love is also wonderful. The love between siblings can be extremely strong, close, and enduring. The love between other relations, like cousins, aunts/uncles and nieces/nephews, grandparents and grandchildren; those relationships can be some of the most loving and impactful ones in a person’s life, and that it beautiful.

Parental love is, in my opinion, the most powerful form of love there is. The way that I love my children doesn’t compare to anything else. I would die for my child without a moment’s hesitation. I would sacrifice anything I needed to in order to make sure they have a good life. There is nothing they could ever do to make me not love them anymore. That is a life-alteringly powerful kind of love.

The love between people and animals is also sometimes overlooked, but truly can be bordering on the depth of parental love for some people. The bond between humans and their pets can be extremely deep and loving. I know people who would do anything for their fur-babies (or feathers or scales or whatever other form they may come in!). When you love an animal, and especially when that animal loves you back, a connection forms that is not easily broken or forgotten.

And yes, romantic love is also amazing. Romantic and sexual relationships are incredibly gratifying to us, for clear biological and evolutionary reasons. We are hard-wired to want to form these bonds, because it’s how our species ultimately perpetuates itself! Although not all romantic relationships lead to babies, the desire for romance and sex is nearly universal because this is simply how we’re designed. Of course, some people are aromantic or asexual or both, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Those people still want and need love—they just understand more than most that love doesn’t have to come in the form of romance and/or sex.

So what’s my point with all of this?

Just simply that love is love. And there is no higher pursuit, in my view, than love. So whatever forms of love you have in your life, pursue them and nurture them and cherish them for all they are worth. Remember that one kind is not better or more important than another.

For me, this is important to internalize because I have struggled with guilt over the shifting of my relationship with my husband. We were romantic for the past almost fourteen years of our lives, and now we have shifted to a mostly platonic relationship, and it has left me feeling confused at times. I’ve questioned whether I’m breaking my marriage vows, and whether it even makes sense to stay married.

But ultimately what I have come to is that I am simply loving my husband in a different way now. I still love him just as much, and I am still just as committed to him as a life partner. Our relationship is not somehow less for being non-traditional or different than what it used to be. It is simply us, the way we naturally have evolved. And it’s beautiful and I will continue to cherish what we have, and let go of any guilty thoughts that I’m not loving him enough because I’m not loving him in a specific way. I know that’s not the truth. Because love is love.