This is a story of new beginnings. 

The decision to re-open our marriage is officially real now. We’ve had our first adventure(s) and boy do I feel alive! This is what I’ve been too afraid to hope for for the past two years, and now it’s actually happening. I honestly don’t even have the words to describe how happy I am right now. 

It’s wild what ENM does for me, mentally and emotionally. I have said it many times, but being poly is part of my identity, and living monogamously is how I imagine a dancer would feel if they were never able to dance again. Romeo is worth that to me, and I made the best of it. I tried to find other things to bring me joy in life, and I could do it again if I had to. But having this part of myself back is indescribably wonderful.

So, we’ve been exploring for about three weeks now and it started out as a bit of a rollercoaster. We set out to look for other couples to connect with, and I started conversations with a few people through the dating app I like to use. The first guy was in a couple, but later told me that they don’t play together. We enjoyed sending him some spicy pictures, but that was about it. Then we connected with three couples, all of which we hit it off with. 

The first couple we connected with I’ll call Scarlett and Adam. They were both pansexual and seemed like super kind people. We connected on our love of animals amongst other things, and we formed a group chat to all get to know each other. Things were going well for a couple of days, but then Scarlett stopped participating in the chat and Adam told us that she decided to step back because she felt too busy to pursue a relationship at this time. It’s something I’ve heard quite a few times, and I am fairly certain it is bullshit 99% of the time. However, I am not one to pick apart someone’s effort to gracefully back out, and so I simply said that I understood and wished them the best. 

However, Adam offered to continue with me and Romeo, which led to a rocky couple of days as we worked through our struggles with situations in which I feel really into someone and he doesn’t. Romeo isn’t ready for me to date separately yet, so it was a hard thing to work through. Ultimately, he supported me to pursue things with Adam (for both of us), and I told him that we could keep getting to know each other. To my surprise, shortly after that, he ghosted me. 

So that was that.

The second couple we connected with, I’ll call Jackson and Norah. They are sweet and we are still talking to them on a daily basis. We’ve hung out twice, and we’re building a friendship which I really enjoy. Romeo and I jokingly nicknamed them “Slow Hands” because they are definitely slower to warm up than most couples (or individuals) I have met in the ENM community. They are newbies, and still trying to figure out what they are looking for and getting comfortable with us. I am hopeful we will get to know each other better and better, and eventually take it to the next level because we’re super into them! 

The third couple we connected with, I’ll call Jace and Kiley. We got along really well from the start, and they both were actively trying to get to know us on our group chat. The vibes were great; kind, friendly, fun, and flirty. We were looking forward to meeting them in person, and  were able to plan a day and time for that to happen. 

My only hesitation with these two was their age(s). Jace is 43, which barely fits in our previously decided-upon age range for play partners, but Kiley is 49. I’m 32 and Romeo is 31, so the age gap is almost 20 years between the youngest of us and oldest. We also found that our attraction to them was mostly emotional at the start, and we weren’t sure if the physical attraction would be strong enough for us. When we did meet, it was super casual and we hung out all night. We played some games, sat by the fire, and talked. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about taking things to a sexual level with them, but there had been some sexual tension already created within our group chat, so I wasn’t exactly opposed to it, just unsure. When that ice was finally broken, I found that we were all very much into each other, and the chemistry is there! We plan to continue to see them regularly, as long as things continue to go well. 

Before we met the last couple that we are exploring things with, we met a guy who is in a couple that plays both separately and together. His pseudonym is Ashton, and his partner’s is Nina. Our conversation was slow, since he tends to be pretty busy and focused on his work, but it was still a good connection and I moved us over to a group chat as per usual. She didn’t join, so it was just the three of us. We planned a time to meet, which Nina was unable to attend, but we had a great time getting to know him. Eventually, it became clear that this connection would be with Ashton alone rather than with them as a couple.

Because Ashton is pansexual, the vibe for a “pegasus” situation feels better than it feels when the guy is heteroflexible, bi-curious, or heterosexual. A Pegasus situation, for the record, is what I call a male “unicorn”; and a Unicorn is a term for a female who wants to be in a threesome with a male-female couple. In other words, a Pegasus is a male who wants to be in a threesome with a male-female couple. It appears that Ashton is likely to become our Pegasus. 

Ashton, Jace, and Kiley are the only ones we’ve kissed so far, in fact. Jackson and Norah are, as I mentioned, slower movers, so it may be a while before we even get to the point of kissing them. I’m definitely looking forward to it because they are adorable! 

Last but not least, we have a couple I will call Nick and Alison. With these two, we have many many many things in the “pros” column and really nothing in the “cons” column; the only hesitation we have is finding out if we have good chemistry in person. I’ve learned to keep my excitement about new people in check at least until that happens. 

Nick and Alison have kids very close in age to ours, and they enjoy outdoor activities much like our family does. They also have a lot of pets, like us, and they are the closest geographically to us out of any of the other people we’re actively dating. They are both very attractive, close in age to us, and communicative. They seem fun, but still mature. I have enjoyed a lot of conversation so far with Nick in our one-on-one chat, as well as both of them in the group chat. I’m very optimistic about the future with these two, which will be determined in large part by our first in-person meeting next week. 

That’s where we’re at in our brand new exploration phase. I’m finding that now that it’s not brand new and we have a few established/beginning relationships, I’m a lot more calm/cool/collected about everything. I don’t have any NRE right now, which has benefits as well as drawbacks, but I do have excitement for what the future holds.