This is a story about an instacrush.

I’ve been posting a lot of updates recently, because my poly-life has been very busy. The next couple of weeks are looking like they’re going to continue at this same pace, so I may have a lot of posts continuing to come out– we shall see! 

Yesterday was a low day for me. The day before yesterday, I had checked in with Atlas about our plans for the following night. He’d been really quiet for a couple of days, so I was getting the feeling he was thinking of ghosting. After not hearing back from him all day, I asked Joel if he wanted to meet up if my other plans fell through, and he said he should be available. 

After I fell asleep, Atlas finally texted back and said he was still down. So yesterday morning, I texted Joel to let him know we’d have to plan a different time to meet up. We had a nice flirty conversation after that, and I was feeling optimistic about the situation.

A little later, I texted Atlas to let him know that I’m on my period. I feel that it’s common courtesy to inform sexual partners of this if you have plans to, well, have sex. Unfortunately, Atlas seemed very hesitant about period sex, and I would never want somebody to feel uncomfortable during a sexual encounter with me, so I offered him a rain check, which he took. I don’t hold it against him, but I also lost a little bit of interest in him because of it; especially when I texted Jax and Jaime about it and they both agreed that it was lame. Of course, Romeo was the most vocal about how lame it was. 

But lameness aside, Atlas has every right to decline anything he’s uncomfortable with, and I don’t feel that he did anything wrong. I still think he’s super hot and I’m very into him! It was just a bummer. 

After that, I texted Joel back to ask if he was still interested in meeting, and also let him know why Atlas had cancelled, just to gauge his reaction. Unfortunately, he didn’t answer me all day, and finally responded later that night. He’d made plans with friends, and hadn’t noticed my messages (allegedly). He made no comment on the Code Red situation, so I still don’t know how he feels about that. 

As the afternoon wore on and turned to evening, I was feeling pretty down. Romeo and I have a limited number of nights without all of our kiddos (we have shared custody), and we try to take full advantage of the time that we have to meet and hang out with people. After striking out trying to make last minute plans with Jax and Jaime as well, I had basically given up. But in an attempt to soothe my dissatisfaction, I went on Feeld and made some new connections. 

One of those connections was with a guy whom I’ll call Dakota. He was very responsive, respectful, and friendly and started asking the important questions pretty quickly. I offered to send him my FAQ PDF, and he enthusiastically agreed. He read it and made agreeable comments about it, which is always the first hurdle. 

We talked a bit more and he asked if we wanted to meet up some time. We made a plan for that in a couple of weeks, and I thought that was that. But Romeo encouraged me to ask if he was free that night, since our plans fell through, and I went for it. As it so happened, he was free, and he was excited to come meet us even on such short notice! 

He came over about two hours after we connected online, which is definitely a new record for me. We were planning to just chat and get to know each other, and we did a lot of that. Our conversation was meaningful and very positive. It quickly became apparent that he is an amazing guy, and we ended up taking him to bed. 

Dakota is smart, emotionally intelligent, a great listener, and just a deeply kind person. He’s also FUCKING ADORABLE. And, as it turns out, he has skills in the bedroom that are only enhanced by how into him I already am. It’s just the very beginning, and I am lowkey nervous about getting too invested too quickly, but there’s only so much I can do to tamp down feelings that are fighting so hard to exist. 

So, there’s that. 

With Dakota in the picture, I feel a lot less motivation to push things along with anyone else. If Wilbur, Atlas, Jaime, Joel, Jax, (and anyone else I may be talking to) wants to progress the relationship with me and Romeo, they are going to have to put in the effort to make that happen. I do my part to say hello and check in every day, but they need to do their part to make the relationship a thing that’s not just about sex. I want a friendship; I want a crush; I want someone who’s going to stick around for longer than a day or a week or a month. 

I’m not gonna lie–if things don’t work out with Dakota, that one is going to hurt really fucking bad. But my optimistic brain is telling me to trust it, and go with it. So that’s what I’m going to do.