This is a story about a total perv.

Welcome to my second Bottom of the Barrel post! I have other stuff to write about in this post, other than the B.O.B. guy… but this is a good one let me tell you. (By “good,” of course, I mean appalling.) 

It is my greatest pleasure to introduce you to Scott. We had an incredible conversation the other day, in which I was really getting into talking about the challenges I’ve faced in online dating recently. He was so understanding and it seemed like we were super in sync with our approach to poly. He read my PDF and answered all of my screening questions, and passed everything with flying colors. 

And then. He asked me a question that derailed everything. There is no polite way to say this, so… I’ll just be blunt. He asked me if I shave my genitals– specifically if I have a “clean, shaved pussy.” I told him that “clean” and “shaved” are not mutually exclusive, and that no, I don’t shave that area but I am most definitely “clean.” 

He seemed to take that well, and said he totally understood. Then nothing. Hours passed. Eventually, without a word, he disconnected from me, which immediately deleted the conversation. I was bummed about that because I didn’t get a chance to take any screenshots!

This one was a first for me. But good riddance, amiright? Any guy who thinks that they should have a say in what I do with my body can go fuck himself (literally, because he shouldn’t be fucking anyone with that level of disrespect). 

I understand and respect that people sometimes have preferences about body hair on their sexual partners. But do I think it’s okay to ask or pressure someone to change their personal choice about their own body hair? Not really. Rather, I think it’s quite concerning when a guy is uncomfortable with body hair, because most likely they are trying to emulate what they’ve seen in porn. Women in porn are frequently infantilized and objectified. Porn is not often about a woman’s pleasure, but more focused on meeting the man’s needs. The fact that most women in porn are devoid of body hair is just one more way of making them look more like little girls rather than women; and I find that extremely disturbing. It isn’t indicative of a sexually safe person, who will treat me with respect and prioritize consent.

So, Scott, since I didn’t get to say a proper goodbye, here it is: go fuck yourself, you perv.  

Anyway. 

I’ve had a terrible string of bad luck in dating recently, much of which I described in my last post. Today, other than my B.O.B story, I have just a few other updates. 

Jaime cancelled our meetup at the last minute. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that it was for a valid reason, as he claimed he had a backlog of work suddenly fall into his lap. But at this point, I trust nobody and this is textbook for when someone is about to peace out. Especially considering he hasn’t said a word to us since then.

Dakota is still around, though quite busy. We haven’t seen him a third time yet, but I feel a lot more confident that he’s not going to ghost us (whether that’s based in reality or not). 

Wilbur is still a thing, but we haven’t made plans to see him again yet. Same for Richard. Gerry and Nadine are becoming good friends; mostly Gerry because his schedule allows him to come hang out with us during the day and we’ve been doing a lot of co-working which is fun. 

Jace and Kiley are still our only secure and consistent connection, but we’ve even been having some struggles with scheduling with them (not just them, we’ve had things come up on our end as well). That doesn’t worry me much, though, because I feel pretty confident in what we have going on. 

Yesterday and today I’ve been working on a new connection with a guy who I’ll call Danny. So far he seems to be aligned with everything we are looking for… but I can’t trust that anymore until I have enough evidence to support it. Fortunately, we will hopefully be able to meet him this week so soon I should have my answer. 

That’s the update! The carousel of men continues going round and round. I’m getting quite impatient for it to stop, but that can only happen when I find the right thing or give up. So far, it’s been a whole lot of wrong.