This is an update.

It’s time for a poly update!

Jace and Kiley are still our #1 couple. We have continued to develop a caring, fun, and consistent relationship with them. We’ve stayed over at their place a couple of times, had platonic hangouts, finally went out together in public, and even went grocery shopping together. Those little things mean a lot to me, and I’m excited to continue to grow our relationship. 

Nick and Alison are basically acquaintances at this point. We text occasionally. I’ve made it clear that I’m still interested, and have tried to create opportunities to spend time with them, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem that they are willing or able to put in any effort to do the same. I don’t see that one going anywhere, and at this point I don’t really care. 

Eli and Kacey have fizzled quite significantly as well, which has been disappointing. I get the distinct impression that they want to want to spend time with us… but that’s about it. They find reasons to reschedule our plans, and keep themselves so busy with other things that it has become virtually impossible to actually get together. We don’t seem to be able to find much to talk about via text, either. It’s been so long since we’ve seen them that I have lost any feelings I might have been developing, and just like with Nick and Alison, I’m finding that I don’t really care. 

Lex and Kit were a huge bummer. After the time we hung out, despite seeming like we had a great mutual connection, they texted us and told us that they didn’t have time for us in their lives right now. As we all know, this is just a polite way of saying you’re not interested in continuing a relationship. So, that was that. 

Benny and Clementine are still our friends, and we have a lighthearted relationship as a group. We got to meet them in person around Thanksgiving, and our families fit together so naturally. It was wonderful spending time with them, and felt so right. Individually, Benny has become my best friend. He means so much to me, and we have so much love and care for each other. Our relationship is platonic, yet intimate. Having him in my life is the best thing I have gotten out of poly this time around, hands down. 

Richard has been a big surprise for me. We’ve discovered our sexual chemistry as a triad, and it is really great! Scheduling is slightly busy with him, so we’ve only hung out twice, but both of those times were really memorable and enjoyable. He has continued to be the perfect mix of sweet, caring, kind, and sexy. Romeo has found a high level of attraction to him, as well as the emotional safety he needs to really dive into that side of his sexuality. That has been really awesome to watch. 

Gabriel and Aria are our friends still, but we’ve decided to keep things platonic for now. They are still very new to poly and haven’t been able to clearly express their desires or boundaries with us. We enjoy spending time with them, regardless, and it means a lot to me that they also want to continue to be friends even if there isn’t a sexual element to our relationship. That says a lot about intentions, you know? 

Since my last post, a handful of new people have come into the picture. We’ve developed a relationship with a couple who I’ll call Josie and Woods. They are the most unique people we’ve met, and they are very sweet and affectionate and fun to hang out with. We’ve enjoyed board game nights and a couple of intimate encounters with them. At first, Romeo and I were extremely excited about them and really wanted to throw ourselves into building that connection. Josie made me feel things just by being her incredibly sweet self. As time has gone on, though, we’ve found some aspects of them as individuals and as a couple that have caused concern. Because of those concerns, and a lack of sexual chemistry on my part towards Woods, we’ve tentatively decided to continue the relationship platonically. That being said, scheduling and/or lack of motivation has led to us not actually seeing them at all for a few weeks, and so we haven’t had the need to have that conversation yet. I’m anxious about how it might go, but I’m also unsure whether it will ever be necessary if they don’t seem to care to see us again anyway. 

We’ve had one-off threesomes with two guys in the past couple of months. The first one was someone I connected with online, who I’ll call Archer. From the get-go he let me know that he wasn’t local, just in town visiting. But our connection was really good, and we all happened to be free that night. Our safety boxes were checked very rapidly, and so we just sort of went with it! He came over and we had a long chill conversation by the firepit before we went inside and enjoyed the R-rated part of the evening. I don’t know if it’s because the connection was so fast and short, like a comet, or because we actually had something special, but for whatever reason it still stands out as one of my favorite poly encounters I’ve had. It was thoroughly enjoyable and I hope that next time he’s in town we can meet up again. 

The second threesome we had recently was with someone I’ll call Jayden. He’s actually an old friend of Romeo’s, and he’s not poly but he is in a very bad marriage in which his wife told him to go do whatever he wanted, sexually, since she has no interest in him anymore. As it turns out, I guess I was what he wanted at that moment in time. Or, at least, I was what was available to him. We had a “soft” threesome, which was just okay if we’re being honest. I found it difficult to enjoy as much as I wanted to because while I did have a crush on him at one point, the lack of effort on his part to form any kind of emotional connection was a huge turn-off. It felt like it was all about sex, and I was just an object to him. We decided after that to not open up that door again. 

One couple whom we’ve met once but not had any intimate encounters with is Gerry and Nadine. We enjoyed a long conversation over brunch, and it felt very comfortable and natural. They are both very attractive, although I’m not sure yet whether I will have sexual chemistry with Nadine. I am extremely picky when it comes to women; I need someone who feels non-threatening and who’s clearly into me in order to feel attraction for them. Nadine has such boss energy that I find her a little bit intimidating, and I’m not really sure what she thinks of me yet. Gerry is so ridiculously smart that I find him intimidating to talk to, but he does seem a little more flirtatious toward me, which helps. Scheduling with them is the biggest obstacle, since their work hours are unpredictable and they also have kids. 

Wilbur is a married, bisexual, solo-poly guy and we had a chance to meet him and get to know him a little. He’s pretty much awesome in every way so far, and he’s the person I am most excited about right now. With the holiday season, he has been super busy (as have we), so our chatting has been really sparse. But I’m hoping that we can get back into our groove and continue to develop that relationship. I am definitely attracted to him and I am way excited to discover our sexual chemistry. 

Hayden is partnered and bisexual, and his partner Liana is also bisexual, however their approach seems to be for him to do the legwork on starting connections. We planned to meet up, but unfortunately had to reschedule because they were both under the weather. Nevertheless, I am excited to meet in person. There are a few things I really like about Hayden, including that: he’s not weird about us having kids, or being around our kids; he seems equally into me and Romeo; he’s body positive and has made me feel really good about myself; and he’s hella cute! Even though we haven’t met yet, he’s managed to give me butterflies, and that says a lot. 

Lastly, we have a new connection with a couple I’ll call SailorMoon and Javier. (Yes, SailorMoon. If I told you her real name, you would understand exactly how fitting the pseudonym is!) So far we have only been chatting with them, and I’m hoping we can meet up soon. The rapport right off the bat was really unique, and somehow we have instantly gone from virtually meeting to teasing each other. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard while chatting with anyone! It is still very new, but seems promising. My only concern right now is that they might be the kind of people who can’t take anything seriously, and when it comes to poly, there are times when serious conversations need to be had. We shall see!

It has been a busy few months, and we’ve had our ups and downs as always. At this moment, I am feeling a bit apathetic towards poly stuff. I think that’s because we’ve had a lot of disappointment, and a lot of connections that haven’t gone far even though they seemed so promising. I’m beginning to feel numb to it all, and it’s affecting my ability to feel excited about any of it. 

Another factor in my poly-apathy could easily be the fact that I have the biggest crush imaginable on someone who isn’t polyamorous. He and his wife are our friends, and they are amazing and lovely people who we enjoy spending time with very much. Even though they aren’t a part of my poly journey, I will give them pseudonyms because I’m writing about them. I will call them… Shelby and Oliver. 

When it comes to Oliver, I am in so deep. I haven’t wanted somebody this badly in years, and the fact that I can’t have him is honestly quite painful. And yet, I want to be around him every chance I get because even though the longing hurts, the thrill of his presence is worth it. Part of me hopes that it will change someday, because years ago Shelby and Oliver did consider exploring things with Romeo and his ex-wife. Unfortunately she was (and still is) psycho, and that didn’t pan out, but the fact that it was a consideration gives me the tiniest glimmer of hope. 

Compared to how I feel about Oliver, everything else is just kind of… meh. I’m trying not to compare, of course. Comparison is a really harmful thing in poly relationships, in my experience. Part of being poly is understanding and embracing that each relationship is unique and can be enjoyed for what it is without the pressure of reaching some goalpost. And besides, we are not in a poly relationship with Shelby and Oliver, so it should be irrelevant. But when you dream about someone almost every night, and just the sound of their name fills you with longing… well, that can make it hard to focus on other things. 

Anywho, that’s where I’m at. Still chugging along, enjoying the good and moving past the bad. I’m still so much happier being poly again, but I’m also coming to understand that it isn’t a magic bullet (God… so many innuendos…) to my happiness. It’s one part of my life, and it isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. It has the ability to contribute to my happiness, as well as detract from it. I have to be more than poly if I want to be happy. And for the first time in a very, very long time, I feel like I am finding my way there.